Joseph of Nazareth and the Global Orphan Crisis

Yesterday, our church family observed "Orphan Sunday" two weeks late.  We didn't wait because the issue was unimportant.  We waited, not only to finish a prior series I had started on marriage, but also because we wanted to do this right.

The more than 150 million orphans deserve at least that much.

What does this crisis have to do with the church?  It would take a book rather than a blog post to answer that question (and if you want to read a good one you can find it here!) Our Gospel is itself a story of "alien children" formerly cut off from a God who through Christ welcomes us into His family as His own.  But yesterday, we spent a Sunday looking at the story of Joseph--the adoptive father of Jesus.

Most of the time when we speak of Joseph, its in terms of what he didn't do.  That's not bad.  The Scriptures teach, and we believe, that Jesus had no earthly biological father.  But often in the midst of rightly affirming Mary's virginity and thus Jesus' uniqueness within the human race, we forget that Joseph was his father.

As Matthew opens the narrative part of his Gospel, Mary and Joseph are already engaged to be married.  In the 1st century, engagement didn't look like it does today and involved far more than a diamond ring.  With Jewish engagement came all the expectations of a marriage except for living together and sex.  Legally speaking, your union at engagement required something very similar to a divorce to be broken.  And it is within that relationship that Matthew tells us "before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit."

So Joseph now finds himself in a highly controversial, scandalous mess that is not of his own making.  The law actually required a man to divorce his wife for adultery, and a wife who did this to her husband could be stoned to death.  From every vantagepoint of 1st century Jewish society Mary had brought shame on her family, on Joseph, and on Joseph's family.  And Joseph has a decision to make in reaction to all of this.  Because he is an honorable man, he is not vindictive.  He has no desire to bring greater injury to Mary and her family, so he seeks a "quiet" separation.

But the other side of this is that because he didn't believe his fiance, he had no real desire to remedy the situation.  His actions--at least initially--indicate an attitude that says "I didn't cause this, so I'm just backing away because I don't need this kind of trouble."

Way too many Christians look at the global orphan crisis in exactly the same way.

Thankfully, an angelic visit convinces Joseph to get involved, and as a result, our Lord and Savior grew up with a father.  Aside from not sharing his son's DNA, Joseph was in every other sense, "Father."  It was Joseph that Jesus would have called "Abba" as a child--the nearest word we have to "Daddy."  And it was Jesus' identity as Messiah that is tied to the crucial decision that Joseph makes to adopt a child who is not his own flesh and blood.  From this story, we learn many things about the orphan care mandate.

Orphan care is often done in obscurity.  Joseph doesn't get a lot of recognition for this.  And in all likelihood, the recognition he does receive for this decision isn't good.  Claiming this child as his own probably did great damage to his personal reputation.  For the rest of their marriage I can imagine the whispers from the neighbors.  "Poor Joseph; hoodwinked by that whore Mary."  Or perhaps it sounded like this. "How irresponsible for Joseph to get himself into trouble with that girl!"

Doing the right thing, more often than not, will go unnoticed.  And sometimes it will even draw negative attention.   Most truly life-changing, world-altering work is like that.  It won't be covered on CNN.

Orphan care is costly.  It cost Joseph his reputation, and probably cost him business as well.  Later in the story, it will even cost him his home.  A genocidal crisis erupts under King Herod and Joseph now has to escape with his adopted son and wife to Egypt.  2000 years later, caring for the most vulnerable in the world still carries a high price tag.

When the church says "yes" to God's call to orphan care, it will involve standing with families, loving their children from another culture who in their adaptation to a new environment will often make a mess and disrupt order.  It will involve surrounding ourselves with he trauma of past abuse as we welcome children who have been subjected to it.  And it will involve creating a culture in which when you hear the word "orphan" at Covenant, you no longer think of an unfamiliar face on TV, but the names of kids you know.

Orphan care will wreck your life.  But in a good way.

Orphan care is spiritual warfare.  The story of Joseph involves a paranoid king who slaughters the most vulnerable for his own empowerment.  Herod orders all male children under the age of 2 to be executed.  Bethlehem is soaked in the blood of its most innocent.

And standing in between this bloodthirsty tyrant and the newborn Messiah is a lower-middle class, blue collar carpenter from Nazareth.

Wherever in the world that children are abused--be it in the home of a drug addict, in a war zone, or a Planned Parenthood clinic--there are bloodthirsty, profit-greedy tyrants involved who are enabled by Satan himself.  And right in the middle of it all, just like that carpenter from Nazareth, stands you and me.  When the church stands with orphans and their adoptive families we are running toward and not away from crises.  And when we do, we are engaging in a battle for the lives and souls of children that Jesus died to save.

Orphan care is the essence of the Gospel.  Eventually, the comparison between Joseph and any of us is going to break down.  There will never be another virgin birth, because there is no need for another one.  None of us is going to be the adoptive father of God incarnate.  Joseph is unique in that respect.

But the faith Joseph exercises is not unique.  It is the same faith Joseph's son James--the half-brother of Jesus--will later describe by saying "religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep yourself unstained from the world."

Bottom line: if our religious practice, no matter how pious, doesn't lead to holy living AND care for the most needy, it is empty and meaningless.

The half-brother of an adopted sibling wrote this!  I wonder what stories he heard growing up about his father's decision to treat his half-brother Jesus as if Jesus were his own?  Whatever he heard and experienced growing up in that home obviously had a profound effect on him.

Orphan care isn't just about "rescuing a child."  Its about growing in our own faith as well.  I want that to be the story of our church.  And there is a way we can make this our story.  Take the adoptive families we already have been blessed to have in our faith community, and make their stories normal.  If you were here yesterday and listened, you know God is already moving mightily in this area among many families, and we are almost doing this by accident.  Imagine the level of damage we could do to the kingdom of darkness, if we became intentional?

Monday Morning Rewind: Is There a Man in Your House?

Since 1945, the age at which a boy becomes a man--a fully functional, responsible adult--has lengthened from 18 to 27.  From 1970 to 2000 the percentage of 30-year-old men who had taken a wife dropped from 85% to 33%.  They spend more on pornography each year than is spent on professional baseball, basketball and football combined.  On average, they spend three hours daily in front of a PlayStation or XBox.  They rape more than 683,000 women every year, and the wake of trauma they inflict on women and children in our culture is astounding.

We have a man crisis in our culture!

Yesterday, we continued our series "A Marriage Made on Earth" by looking at this crisis, and challenging men to be the kind of husbands God expects.  And for those who call themselves Christian, we have a perfectly ideal model for manhood in the person of Jesus Christ Himself.  But because too many men reject Jesus' model for manhood (regrettably, even in the church), we tend in our fallen natures to either become barbarians, or cowards.  Acting this way in relationship to our wives produces emotionally traumatized women and children, emotionally distant sons, spiritually starved daughters, and a family that doesn't grow toward Jesus together.

Men, God holds us responsible when that happens!

Thankfully, we saw instruction from Peter yesterday regarding how we overcome our fallen tendencies.  In one sentence, the Apostle gives to men--to husbands--a life-long challenge.

"Likewise husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

Men, study your wives!  Live with them, Peter says "according to knowledge."  In all areas of our life guys, our call as the head of our homes is to be sensitive to the needs, fears, and feelings of our brides, and live accordingly.

Do you really know your wife?  I've learned much about marriage over the past 22 years of my own marriage relationship from older men who practiced what Peter talks about here.  Conversely, I've been highly disappointed to meet too many men--men married longer than I have been alive--who knew nothing about their wives.  We can't love them as Christ loved the church if our needs don't become subordinate to hers.  And that can't happen if we don't know them.

Men, empower your wives!  The "weaker vessel" reference here isn't about inferiority.  Its about difference.  Our wives are created and wired by God for a specific purpose.  And our role as husbands is to help her discover and reach that purpose.  Guys, that means we need to invest in our wives!  Too many men strangle their wives by giving them no time away from the kids, no opportunities for fellowship and spiritual growth with other women, and high expectations that drain her energy and suck the spiritual life right out of her.

Men, honor your wives!  We do this because they are an heir with us of the grace of life.  That fact is rooted in your wife's identity as your sister in Christ, and as a daughter of the most high God!

Men, do you show your wives the honor that is befitting a daughter of the King?  Do you abuse her physically, verbally, or emotionally?  Do you speak to her with disrespect?  Do you speak of her with disrespect when you are around the guys?  Here is a good question to gauge your level of honor for her:  If I were to ask the other men you work with, or play golf with about your wife, would their perception be that she is a daughter of God?  Or do they think less of her because of how you speak of her?

Men, fear God because of your wives!  Peter explicitly states that mistreating your bride can stunt your own spiritual growth.  And when you think about it, it only makes sense.  I have a daughter.  If you abused her, or treated her disrespectfully, and then had the audacity to ask for my help with something, what do you think my response would be?

The longer I'm in ministry, the more convinced I am that many men are actually so stupid as to think they can mistreat their wives and everything be OK between them and their Creator.  Many men--ALL of us actually who are married--will one day stand before God and answer for how we have treated His daughters.  And many will pay dearly on that day for their behavior.

So our study of, empowerment of, and honor of our wives should be motivated by a sincere, "keeps me up at night" legitimate fear of Almighty God.

And there is a reason all of this is important guys.  Its because we are dangerous men.  I would protect my wife from harm, and I believe most of you reading this would too.  But the most dangerous man in my wife's life isn't the thief, the murderer, or the rapist.  The most dangerous man in her life isn't the one who hides in the shadows waiting to snatch a purse or jack a car.

The most dangerous man in my wife's life is the man she goes to bed with every night!  And for me to be the husband God has called me to be, that man must be CRUCIFIED--DAILY!

But this is the great hope of the Gospel--that through Jesus' own death and resurrection, you and I can become like Him--we can live after the pattern of the PERFECT man.

So for the sake of your wife, your kids, your community, and the glory of God, put that old man to death, trust in Jesus, and watch a new man arise!

Ecclesia semper reformanda: What we Should Learn from the Protestant Reformation

Tonight I will gather my kids--two of which will be dressed as a "Minecraft" character and a princess--and head for German Street--a quaint, wonderful stretch of our Shepherdstown, WV community.  Why?  Because this is the only night of the year in which it is culturally appropriate to allow your kids to beg strangers for unhealthy food.  For most in our culture, October 31 is merely that: a fun holiday that consists of costumes, candy, and haunted hay rides. 

But for the church, October 31 marks a major turning point in our history, and provides lessons to us today.  499 years ago tonight, a German monk gathered his parchment, a hammer and a nail, and ignited a movement that would spread like wildfire throughout Europe

The story begins in Medieval Rome.  The doctrinal integrity of the medevial Church was at a breaking point.  Cultural syncretism over the centuries had all but led to a complete loss of ecclesiological identity, which by the 1500s was also accompanied by rampant immorality throughout the Empire, enabled by the church.  Every kind of moral evil, from the visiting of prostitutes by priests to the fleecing of the poor and marginalized, was taking place in the "holy city."

Into this context, in the year 1500, walks an unwitting German monk named Martin Luther.  For most of his life, this young man had longed to see Rome; the fountainhead from which he believed his faith flowed.  But what he saw when he arrived shocked him to the core.  His stomach was turned by the sexual immorality he witnessed.  But Luther was more offended by the way the poor and marginalized were treated by those who claimed to be the representatives of Jesus on earth.  The system of indulgences that had been set up by the church to raise money for St. Peter's Basilica created an environment where the rich could sin as much as they wanted, while the poor not only lived in poverty, but also under the constant threat of eternal damnation. The young monk so enraptured with thoughts of visiting the holy city would later be quoted as saying "if there is a hell, Rome is built over it!"

Shaken to the core, Luther would ponder his experiences in Rome for the next seven years.  But by 1507, the escalation of the abuse of the indulgences, and the extension of these abuses into more remote areas outside Rome by Tetzel's preaching would compel Martin Luther to face the corruption head on.  And face it he did, through a document that you and I now know as the 95 theses--nailed to the door of a Wittenburg castle 498 years ago tomorrow.  Though initially written to reform the Roman church from within, Luther would eventually come to learn that the immorality and abuse he was witnessing was enabled by twisted theology that held the edicts of the church as a greater authority than the commands of the Lord of the church.  Medevial Rome was preaching a counterfeit Gospel, and it was time for the true church to separate herself and rise from the ashes.  The Protestant Reformation had begun.

For those who would soon be called "Lutherans," this reformation culminated in the Augsburg Confession (1530).  For other groups who joined Luther's followers in the break from medieval Catholicism, subsequent confessions of faith would be written--each of which would proclaim themselves as the "true church" over against the Catholicism out of which they had just emerged.   The fires of the Protestant Gospel spread throughout Europe, and established itself within two generations on the complementary foundations of the priesthood of all believers and open access by all people to the Scriptures, which at this time were being translated into the various lingua franca employed around the world.

The Gospel had been recovered, and it was time to move forward.  Unfortunately, the Reformers maintained their posture of critique, and the horrific result is mourned to this day by Baptists who know their history well--as it was our theological ancestors who would bear the brunt of their persecution.  What motivated these continued inquisitions depends on which historian you talk to, but the use of political tactics--and force--to silence dissent were commonplace throughout this period of history, and included the execution of those who held different views.

The big idea is this:  by the end of the Reformation period, the church had recovered the heart of the Gospel, but instead of seeking to spread that Gospel across the world, they maintained a posture of critique, suspicion, and paranoia that at times crossed the line into violence.  As a result, Protestants would ultimately--and legitimately--be accused of violating Jesus' "prime directive," as the Catholic theologian Erasmus suggested to Luther that these new Protestants couldn't possibly be the true church, because they had no missionaries.

To be sure, no period of Christian history proves that sometimes, Jesus' followers are Jesus' biggest problem so much as the Reformation period.  Two corollary messages rise from these events:

1. Truth is Immortal.  What Luther eventually discovered in those days leading up to the assembly at Augsburg is that a counterfeit message produces counterfeit disciples.  While maintaining what would be considered historically essential to orthodoxy (Belief in a Trinitarian Godhead, the deity of Jesus, and the necessity of salvation through His death and resurrection), the medieval church had hidden the Gospel behind centuries of syncretized tradition which, by the 16th century, was of great benefit to Rome's ecclesial institutions, but counterproductive to the spread of Jesus' message globally.  In short, the Gospel was not preached with clarity, nor was it applied consistently to Catholic followers.  The result was an immoral, greedy, self-centered church that sought the advance of its influence through power, and the intimidation of the marginalized.  Ideas, as the late Francis Schaefer was fond of saying, have consequences.

By the time of the Augsburg Confession, Martin Luther had come to realize that the dastardly and oppressive actions of the church were the natural result of the bastardized "Gospel" being proclaimed by the 16th century Roman Church.  If October 31, 1517 reminds us of nothing else, it should remind us that actions flow from our true beliefs.

Want to live a lie?  Then simply start believing and proclaiming lies, and you are well on your way.  On this day, the church is well-served by remembering that Truth, as revealed ultimately in Jesus Christ as He is revealed in Scripture alone, is the starting point for any true church.  Without it, even those who claim to follow Jesus will devolve into a 16th century Catholic-style oppression, or a Word of Faith style materialism, a Fundamentalist-style legalism, or an emergent-style relativism.  Our Gospel determines not only what we say, but how we live.  We'd better be sure we have the right one!

2. Truth Has a Purpose.  Truth is supposed to be spread, not "guarded" to the point that we spend more time arguing about its content than we do spreading its hope.  Protestant Christians of every tribe need to remember that not everything in our DNA is healthy.  More particularly, we need to remember that while our ancestors--including Luther whom we all hold in common--rightly began this movement with a strong critique of Roman Catholicism, a recovered Gospel does no good if we merely maintain a posture of critique and as a result continue to fight over minutiae.  Erasmus was right: no church can truly be the church without a missionary impetus that seeks to make Jesus more widely known.  Furthermore, a clear understanding of sola gratia means that we will not approach non-Christians with the presumption that we are the sole monopolizers of God's message.  Instead, we are what D.T. Niles once claimed: beggars sharing enthusiastically with other beggars where we have found bread.

It would take a separate post--or perhaps more than one--to point out the flaws of Martin Luther, because he had plenty of them.  But on days like today, I'm thankful for the legacy God gave us through Luther's fiery ministry--Scripture in the language of the people, the priesthood of all believers, and the non-negotiable element of saving faith--that it comes by faith alone in a crucified, resurrected Savior.  We too, are imperfect people, prone to wander from our intended missional path onto side-roads of dissension that keep us from the more effective spread of Jesus' message.  As we reflect on the historic significance of this day and the theological axioms we've been given through it, perhaps we should ask ourselves the following questions:

sola scriptura: Have you drank deeply lately of the very Word of God, which has now been available in your language for many centuries?

sola fide Have you shared your ultimate hope in Jesus with others?  When was the last time this took place?

sola gratia Have you approached non-Christians, not as an autonomous knower who is better than they, but instead as a trophy of the grace of God?

sola Christo Have you shared with others the identity of Jesus with clarity, and without so much of the western cultural baggage that weights-down His image?

soli Deo gloria Have you given God the glory for how he has worked through imperfect people throughout history, and for how He has worked through you?

Such questions honor the spirit of the Protestant cry expressed 400 years later by Karl Barth; Ecclesia semper reformanda.  The church, always reforming.  May our Lord continue to reform us, and by doing so empower us for the global work to which He has called us.

Monday Morning Rewind: The Woman of the House

Yesterday, I spoke on a touchy subject.

Actually, that's a colossal understatement.  I spoke on a subject that tends to get preachers picketed and protested.  And to evoke that kind of response, I don't even need to say anything myself.  I needed only to quote the passage we read together yesterday morning:

"Likewise wives, be subject to your own husbands...."

Yesterday, we entered week two of our series "A Marriage Made on Earth."  For marriage to work as God intends, both husbands and wives need to be obedient in their respective responsibilities toward each other.  Next week, we get to the husbands. (In fact ladies, the guys get TWO weeks!).  But yesterday, we started with the wives, because that is where the Apostle Peter began.

But that word "submit" causes a lot of misunderstanding, confusion, and anger, so we first had to unpack its meaning--and it doesn't mean what most in our culture think it means.

1. It doesn't mean all women are to submit to all men.  Because maleness, in and of itself, doesn't qualify anyone to lead anything.
2. It doesn't mean the husband is the ultimate authority. That position is filled by the Lord Jesus, and no man with a brain wants to try to assume it.
3. It doesn't mean that husband micromanages everything.  Truthfully, most husbands would make a colossal mess trying to do so.

So what does it mean?  Ultimately, the command to submit is given because God will hold husbands, not wives, responsible for the well-being of the entire family unit.  Male headship is about responsibility.  And the picture that unfolds in these verses is the picture of a family moving forward toward Jesus together, with the husband leading the way, and his wife following that lead in a way that helps him and makes him better.  And Peter describes four ways that "submission" is displayed by wives in a marriage relationship (next week, we will look at how this sort of deference is to be displayed by husbands for a marriage to work)

1. In Her Actions. Non-Christian husbands come to Jesus, Christian husbands become better followers of Jesus, and all husbands become better husbands, when the actions of a wife in the home who lives out her faith with consistency.  Few men will change by listening to their wives preach at them.  But I've seen many who have drawn closer to Christ by watching the "walk" of their wives.  I'm one of them!

I spoke yesterday about an experience when our daughter had major surgery many years ago--watching the way my wife cared selflessly for her.  Watching Amy sacrificially give of herself during that time, and seeing the grace with which she handled that whole situation modeled sacrifice for me, and it made me a better man.

2. In Her Appearance.  Some people believe, based on this passage, that women shouldn't wear makeup or jewelry, or be concerned at all about their looks.  But that isn't what Peter has in mind.  But what he does have in mind is a godly woman who isn't obsessed with her appearance.

Too many women today live in an environment of "body shaming" that takes two forms.  The first is the false expectation of a certain kind of body style or shape, or a certain weight that drives too many women toward bulimia, anorexia, or other harmful acts. The second is the "Abercrombie and Fitch" era that pushes women--knowingly or unknowingly--to be defined solely in terms of their bodies.  The Christian answer to both of these expressions is simplicity, and modesty.

Most "women's magazines" you pick up at the grocery store have a lot to say about how you should look as a woman.  Few address how you should live.  Peter tells us here that what is truly attractive to a man who is right with Jesus is a modest, simple, and thus naturally and truly beautiful woman who has put the lion's share of attention on her heart, not her physical appearance.

3. In Her disposition.  Peter speaks of wives here as having a "gentle and quiet spirit."  Sometimes, this can be misinterpreted to make it seem as though if a woman is boisterous and loud, she is violating the Scripture.  But actually, what Peter has in mind with these words is less about a woman's volume and more about her disposition toward her husband.  I know many godly couples for whom the wife is the extrovert, and she is not violating Scripture by simply being herself.  You can be the life of the party and still live in the kind of submission Peter speaks of.  Conversely, you be a very quiet, reserved woman and be unsubmissive, rebel against authority, hover in the background and be controlling.

The big question is this:  Ladies, are you living in a way that your husband would say you are good company?

4. In Her Mentors.  Peter concludes this section by calling women toward emulating the examples that came before them.  And ultimately, he points his female readers toward Sarah--the wife of Abraham who became the mother of all Israel.

But let's be honest about Sarah.  This woman encouraged her husband to sleep with another woman so they could have a child together, then in jealousy would later put that woman and her child out of the home.  So later this week when you scream at the kids or let stress get to you, I hope you remember that even our female heroes made some pretty bad mistakes.

When those hard times come, women need other women.  So if your mother or grandmother is a Christian, go to them for advice.  If you don't come from a Christian family, find godly older women in our church family who can listen to you, pray for you, and give you advice.  Read biographies of great women of God like Elizabeth Elliott or Ruth Bell Graham.  Learn from those who came before you, and be encouraged!

"Submission" isn't about women being "inferior."  Its about you emulating the very example of Jesus who, though He was God, willingly submitted Himself to the will of His Father.  Its about you becoming more like Jesus in your role as a wife.  If it still seems objectionable to you, I'd only ask you to consider the alternatives offered by our culture--a vision of womanhood that includes you watching porn with your boyfriend to keep them happy and living with you--a vision that includes you paying for your own dates in the name of "equality."--a vision that includes you using your body rather than your entire being to keep worthless men interested--a vision that includes a culture where women are increasingly the victims of violence at the hands of those who would abuse them--a vision that includes sharp rises in depression, bi-polar disorder, anorexia, and STDs.

What do you think ladies?  Is the serpent still trolling the garden?  Are the daughters of Eve, thousands of years later, still just a gullible as their mother was on that dark day?

God has something better for you, and for your marriage. That "something better" doesn't require a trip back to the 1950s, nor does it require you to check your college degree and brain at the door (and any man who thinks it does isn't worth your time!)  But it does require submission--first to Jesus--in the way you relate to the man you call "husband."

Monday Morning Rewind: The Meaning of Marriage

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Yesterday, we began a brand new series called "A Marriage Made on Earth."  Over the past several decades as the divorce rate began to rise sharply, all manner of "marriage helper" tools have emerged in our culture.  Though all are well-intended, many perpetuate myths about the marriage relationship that are simply untrue.

The Scriptures on the other hand paint a broad, clear picture of the key elements that make a marriage last.  And when we contrast these views, two major trends of how marriage is perceived in our culture are exposed as faulty:

Marriage as Romanticism:  Concepts such as "falling in love" or "finding a soul mate" are rather recent developments.  When they describe the romantic elements of the marriage relationship they can be healthy things.  Human beings are highly complex creatures, and romance can be a powerful and positive thing.  But when romance, and the idea of living "happily ever after" is viewed as the essence of marriage, it can actually destroy it.  How often have you heard a divorcing couple say something like "well, we just fell out of love?"  That is a marriage built on the sinking sand of "romance."

Marriage as Consumerism.  This is capitalism applied to the marriage relationship.  Too many marriages today are a social transaction.  I seek a wife because I need someone to meet my needs and serve my interests.  In other words, its about "what I get" out of the relationship.  Our culture has been groomed to treat marriage this way because we believe individual happiness is the ultimate value.  So marriage becomes like a trip to my preferred store.  When they stop carrying the product line I like, or new policies emerge that don't work for me, I shop elsewhere.  When your marriage is rooted no more deeply than the amount of "relational currency" the other has, sooner or later one or both will run out of currency, and the relationship is over.

Marriage, according to the Scriptures, isn't romanticism or consumerism.  Marriage is Covenant!  Genesis 15 and Jeremiah 34 are two areas of the Bible where this Hebrew practice is outlined graphically.  Two parties would reach an agreement, cut an animal in half (nose to tail!), and walk between those bloody halves as a way of saying "may I become like this animal if I do not keep my word to you."  Ever seen that picture on the front of a wedding invitation?

But this is the essence of a marriage that lasts--a dual promise to sacrifice and commit unconditionally to the other.  Yes, marriage can be romantic and fun.  But at heart, marriage is a bloody struggle of spiritual warfare.  It is one man and one woman, arm in arm, facing all the hardships of life together, and bringing glory to God together.

Marriage is war. And winning that war together requires a covenantal commitment that understands three things about marriage.

Marriage is grounded in creation.  One man.  One woman.  One lifetime.  Yes, humanity deviated radically and early from this God-given precedent.  Polygamy, rape, premarital and extramarital sex, divorce, homosexual behavior, and a host of other "expressions" emerged early on.  But Genesis 1 and 2 describes what has been God's standard since the beginning.  When we are given to each other in marriage, we are being given a great gift from a loving God that is grounded in the created order itself.

Marriage is a tool of sanctification.  No, you don't have to be married to grow in your faith, and there are hundreds of ways that God makes His people holy.  But marriage, if it is done right, is the expressway to husbands and wives both becoming more like Jesus.

Marriage is a proclamation of the Gospel.  Marriage, Paul says in Ephesians 5, is "a profound mystery" that we should spend a lifetime exploring together as husbands and wives.  But this we know for sure from the beginning: our marriages should be a reflection of Jesus and His church--and of the Gospel of His sacrificial death and resurrection that makes successful marriages possible.

This is the meaning of marriage--hand in hand, walking through the war zone of life together--and in the process, going deeper and deeper into the mystery.  Does this describe your marriage?  It can.  Whatever your background or that of your spouse, God can bring your marriage to this place, and over the next several weeks, we will look more deeply into how this happens.

Monday Morning Rewind: A Missional Life

Growing Passionate Followers of Jesus Christ who serve all people.

That's our mission statement at Covenant Church.  But as we move forward together, we need to ask ourselves a serious question: Are we really making disciples, or are we just enabling religious consumers?  Sometimes, the two look an awfully lot alike.

I was visiting the church of a close friend a few years back, which at the time had about 3000 in attendance.  When I walked into the foyer, I saw stations offering people multiple opportunities to serve--and not just within the church walls, but within their community and around the world.  Banners advertised those same opportunities all over the building.  Everywhere I looked this place screamed "we are here to build servants to our neighbors and the world!"  I happened to be walking with the Communications Director--the guy who was responsible for all that "messaging" and I complimented him highly.  "I was in here less than 10 seconds, and I know exactly who you guys are.  You have done a fantastic job with the message!"  As a new staff member, he was thankful for the compliment, but had also just come from a much larger church led by a "Health, Wealth and Prosperity" Pastor--the kind of church that promised its people everything and demanded nothing--except money of course.

To my compliment, this new staff member replied "Yeah, this message is a lot harder to sell than the message at my last church."

Yesterday, we finished up our series entitled "A Different Kind of Life" with a long, hard look at Hebrews 11 and 12.  What we saw there was a phenomenal picture of the saints through the ages who gave everything they had--including sometimes their own lives--for the sake of Jesus.  They weren't religious consumers.  They were faith-filled disciples who lived on mission 24/7.  What we learned from their lives was that to live missionally is to live in faith.  So what is a faith-filled life?  And how do we live it?  Because without it, we can't live the way Jesus wants us to live.

What is a Faith-filled life?

1. Its a life of singular passion.  Faith is, to put it simply, living your life as though God can be trusted.  Even when I don't possess what has been promised to me, I continue to move forward.  And when I live that way, I'm living the life of Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Jacob, Sarah, Moses, Rahab, and thousands of others.
2. It takes the long view.  So many of the people we read about in this passage lived their whole lives on a promise they never saw fulfilled.  In other words, they weren't living primarily for this life, but for the next one.  Jesus said "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Everything we have in this life is temporary.  Often we think of tangible possessions, but this is also true of relationships.  One day, everything that is precious to me in this life is going to be taken from me.  A faith-filled life that lives for eternity takes a view that is much longer then ones' own life.
3. It produces spiritual heroes.  2000 years after this letter is penned, we know the stories of these people, and so many more who came after them.  Even beyond the stories we read in Hebrews, we remember a Lutheran pastor named Bonehoeffer who stood up to Hitler at the cost of his life.  We remember Martin Luther King standing in the midst of a nation infected with the virus of Jim Crow describing a dream of a better world.  And when we think of these people, we think as the author of Hebrews; "The world was not worthy of them."  That is spiritual heroism, and living a life filled with faith can bring you to join the list of those who fit that profile!

So how do I live this life?

1. Get rid of what holds you back.  The author of Hebrews says "lay aside every weight and sin."  What sinful habits are keeping you from greater intimacy with your Creator?  What is causing you to live in fear?  Throw it off!
2. Never give up. The athletic imagery is inspiring.  Like a marathon runner, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Don't back down.  Don't tap out.
3. Fix your eyes on Jesus.  Get your focus off of your circumstances, a questionable financial market, a circus-style Presidential election, or anything else that is causing you to lose heart, and focus your attention on Christ--who endured the cross for you.

Imagine an entire generation of Christians right here, right now, of whom it could be said when we are dead and gone, "the world was not worthy of them."  Are you living your life in that way?  Because that's a life of faith, and its a powerful place from which to serve Jesus to the fullest!

Let's start living it together church!

Monday Morning Rewind: A Christ-Centered Life

"Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words."

Those infamous words are attributed to St. Francis of Assisi, though there is zero evidence of his ever having spoken or written this, or anything like it.

But even if he had, it would remain a stupid thing to say.

Yesterday, we finished week three of a four-week series entitled "A Different Kind of Life."  The Scriptures repeatedly call God's people to "stand out" and lead a life that is markedly different from others--noticeable to the point that it is questionable to others.  Like those on whose shoulders we stand who healed the sick, fed the hungry, educated children, treated women as equals, and changed the world through lives no one in the 1st century had ever seek before, we are people whose lives should evoke the simple question, "who ARE you?"

But none of that means anything if it isn't grounded in the person and the work of Jesus.  We can feed the hungry, heal marriages, start addiction recovery programs, and help people economically, but without a Christ-centered life that produces a verbal witness, all we will do is send people to hell sober, with full stomachs, happy marriages, and fatter checkbooks.

The reason we focus on tangible and more immediate needs is to point to the ultimate need of forgiveness of sins and the transformation of our hearts.  Without that message at the core of everything we do, we are merely dabbling on the surface of things.  The point is we can't just live differently and make a lasting difference on people if that difference isn't informed and empowered by something beyond this world.  And in the introductory verse of Romans, Paul describes five ways that Jesus completely transformed his life--ways that describe how our own lives can be transformed.

Jesus Changes Our Lives. The Christian Gospel isn't just another religion alongside other world religions--another "choice" among many paths to God.  Jesus transforms His followers at their core, and Paul's own testimony is evidence of the miracle that Jesus works into each of us.  This former Pharisee who was committed to earning his salvation by obedience to the law now calls himself a "bondservant of Jesus Christ."  This "Hebrew of Hebrews" whose identity was once wrapped up in his ethnicity is now the "apostle" sent out by the one who came to save the whole world.  This persecutor of the church--the 1st century equivalent of an ISIS recruit--is now set apart to proclaim the very message he once sought to eliminate from the earth.

When we read the opening words of Romans, we are reading the words of a changed man.  And it is that change that empowers us to live the different kind of life to which we are called.  In our own strength, we can only "fake it" for so long.  The life we are called to live can't be produced in our own strength.  We can never be happy enough, or inspired enough on our own to keep it up.  It requires a complete overhaul of our identity.

Jesus Moves our Assurances. The whole of the Christian message is rooted in the fulfilled promise that Paul describes in verse 2.  The promise of Jesus was a promise first made in the Garden of Eden, and Paul emphasizes here that it is a promise that has been kept!  In our world, of written contracts and low trust, its easy to be a little skeptical.  But we serve a God who keeps His promiises, and all of our assuracnes can be placed in Him.

Jesus Centers our Focus  In verses 3 and 4, we see Paul describing the essence of the Christ-centered life.  This "Son of David" who came as Messiah--this "Son of God who is perfect man and perfect God--has conquered death.  As we live high-risk, high-stakes lives for His glory, bad things might happen.  But the worst thing that can happen is death--something Jesus has already defeated.  This is a man worth placing at the very center of our lives.  This is a man worthy of defining the totality of our identity.

Jesus Increases our Gratitude.  In verse 5, Paul reminds us that if we are Christian, our story begins and ends with grace.  Unmerited favor.  Something we get that we do not deserve and could never earn.  The gratitude that comes from realizing this is more than enough motivation to live differently, noticably!  No one should change their life rythym becaue they were made to feel guilty.  We should be intiving strangers to our table because of the grace of God that invited us--strangers, aliens and enemies--to HIS table!  We should live questionably because we serve a Savior who did things that blew people's minds.  When you have been transformed to the core, you posess the kind of grace that won't burn you out.  Gratitude for what Jesus has done becomes the nuclear source from which we can continue to live questionably and hospitably.  Its all about gratitude.  Everything else is a fossil fuel that runs out.

Jesus Encourages our Awe.  In verses 6 and 7 we see the heart of what it means to find your identity in Jesus.  Here we see that as His followers of Christ, we are His property (we belong to Him), and we are His beloved.

You were loved before the world was created.  You were chosen before you were born.  Jesus bled for you before you were born.  The Holy Spirit has immersed you into Christ permanently--eternally!  Imagine the kind of powerful life you can live when you simply embrace and live in that identity!

David Hume, the 18th century skeptic philosopher, left his office one evening, telling a colleague of his intent to hear George Whitfield, the British preacher and revivalist.  Surprised, his colleague said "I thought you didn't believe the Christian message."  Hume replied "I don't.  But I'm not going because I believe.  I'm going because George Whitfield does."

How many people would say that about you?  Is your life so immersed--so centered in the person and work of Jesus Christ--that they would say of you what Hume said of Whitefield?  "What they believe is crazy!  But I am fascinated by them, because it is obvious to me that they really believe this stuff!"  That is a Christ-centered life!

Three Reasons for Christians to Stay Quiet on Social Media Tonight

"Clinton-Trump Debate Expected to Be Rare Draw in a Polarized Age."

That was the New York Times headline that led my news feed yesterday.  The article predicted the possibility of as many as 100 million viewers--20 million more than the 1980 debate between Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan that has thus far held the record for the most viewers.  83 percent of registered voters are likely to watch.  But many of the reasons behind these predictions have little to do with issues affecting our nation or the expectation of high-minded debate.

And the NYT article didn't hide that fact, stating clearly that "the uniquely uncivil presidential campaign is about to produce one of the biggest civic gatherings in decades. . . .many may tune in merely for the spectacle."  Comparing this debate to the Ali-Frazier fight, former talk-show host Dick Cavett stated the painfully obvious; "There's possible drama and fireworks and insults and horror and disaster and potential enlightenment.  It would attract anybody."

In short, most people aren't tuning in to be educated on substantive issues.  Most will be watching hoping for a train wreck.  And in the event of a train wreck, expect lots of pictures.  And tweets.  And Facebook statuses.  And further polarization, contention, and all-around nastiness.

With that looming context in view, it might do Christians well to remember Paul's words:  "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.  (Ephesians 4:29)

There are times when followers of Jesus should engage, and engage fully in cultural conversation.  This is especially true when the principles of the Kingdom dictate a higher and more worthy approach than what we hear and the manner in which we hear it.  There are other times, when the conversation is set up in such a way as to make it unredeemable, when Christians should just walk away and "take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness."  (Ephesians 5:11)

I'm not saying a Christian shouldn't watch tonight's debate.  But I am suggesting that our best response to anything said tonight might just be silence. Rick Warren has well-stated that the western church has successfully severed the hands and feet of Christ so that all that is left is a big mouth.

So if I may be so bold, let me make a simple suggestion to any Christ-follower reading these words ahead of tonight's debate.  When it comes to your use of social media, just stay quiet tonight.

I think this is a good idea for three reasons.

Division is not our business.  Inevitably, there will be someone who responds to this with "but TRUTH divides!"  And that's true.  But anyone who believes either of these candidates deals in "truth" is living in a dreamworld.

The kind of polarization we have witnessed in recent months--some of which has actually escalated into actual physical violence--is simply antiChrist.  Followers of Jesus may disagree with each other--even strongly so--about how to solve a problem.  But in the end, our commitment under the Lordship of Jesus should be to the solution, not to attacking those with whom we disagree.  Can we all be honest enough to admit that tonight's "debate" isn't going to be about issues so much as personalities?  Let's not contribute to the national division we are experiencing by throwing our own vitriolic, social media-empowered gasoline on that already-raging fire.

We aren't going to change anyone's mind.  Currently, less than 8 percent of the electorate is "undecided."  And even if that number was larger, the chances of changing someone's mind with a Facebook post is slim.  The greater chance is that you lose a friend, or lose your testimony.  Tonight, refuse to be part of the social media "echo chamber" that in the end, solves nothing and only deepens the division.

We may throw away greater opportunities. I'm the pastor of a church filled with people who will vote for Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, Gary Johnson, Evan McMullin, and Jill Stein. (a  few in our congregation have told me they are writing in "Mickey Mouse" as a protest vote, but I digress.)  Each has different reasons for supporting their chosen candidate, and none at this point in the election wants to hear their brothers or sisters say "how can a Christian vote for THAT person?!"

Let's be honest.  That question could legitimately be asked of ANY of these candidates for various reasons.  But when we take to social media with those opinions, we are--more often than we realize--throwing away greater opportunities for unity with each other, and walk in relationship to each other.  If someone you know perceives that you think they are "stupid" or "ungodly" or "unenlightened" or in any other way less than you because of a social media statement about this debate, you may very well lose any further opportunity to engage with them about issues far more important than this temporary kingdom in which we find ourselves.

This is especially true for church leaders.  Pastors, elders, deacons, small group leaders, Sunday School teachers and others who lead need to realize that if your social media presence causes you to be seen as a shill for one candidate or one party, your influence in the body of Christ will be greatly diminished--perhaps deservingly so.  You have a much higher calling that should not be wasted on this nonsense.

In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul compares his ministry to that of a "master builder."  In the end, he states that we will all stand in front of Jesus, and "each one's work will become manifest." (3:13)  In Paul's mind, there are two kinds of builders; those who build with "gold, silver, and precious stones," and those who build with "wood, hay and stubble."  At the end of the age, he tells us that the first group will be rewarded, and the second will have their work burned up.  Because in the end, it never truly amounted to anything.

As I observe how tonight's presidential debate has been set up, advertised, publicized, I see a lot of wood, hay and stubble.  Should you watch?  That's up to you.  Should you vote?  I believe you should.  Should you watch waiting for the right moment to pounce on the one you want to lose?  I'm pretty sure that kind of activity on social media won't amount to anything.

Tomorrow will be a new day.  I expect, given what has been predicted, that a blanket of negativity and caustic rhetoric will have been thrown over our national discourse once again.  That will be our opportunity to shine a unifying, clarifying light.  That will be our opportunity to truly face our national division in a more effective way.

But tonight, maybe we should just keep our mouths shut.

Monday Morning Rewind: A Hospitable Life

Picture a kitchen table.

It doesn't have to be fancy or elaborate.  Four legs and a top.  That's all you need.  Some of the most life-changing, world-altering encounters and conversations have transpired around a simple table.

The table is powerful.

Yesterday, we continued our series "A Different Kind of Life" by talking about hospitality.  For many people, hospitality is a struggle.  For one thing, genuine, Biblically-defined hospitality always involves the love of strangers, and even enemies.  But this concept is also a struggle because in our culture, we too often confuse "hospitality" with "entertainment."  The real question of hospitality isn't whether the table linens match or if the event schedule is off.  Want to know if you are truly hospitable?  Ask yourself one simple question:

Do people feel welcome and wanted when they are in your company?  

That's it!  Are people happy to be around you?  In your presence?  In your home?

Another way of asking it is this:  What do people experience at your table?  As followers of Jesus, nothing embodies this call to love and serve others more than a story about a wedding feast in John 2.  And when we look at this story and the miracle it contains, we see four things hospitality does.

Hospitality fosters community.  Yesterday, we saw that Jesus was invited to a wedding at Cana.  This means someone at the party knew him, and liked Him!  That is the kind of community that leads to people finding Jesus.  No matter how doctrinally sound you are, or how much of the Bible you have memorized, you will never get to truly share your faith with anybody if they don't like you.

But when others feel at ease in your presence, and enjoy your company, powerful spiritual conversations can occur!  When you focus on welcoming others and loving them no matter who they are; when you focus on their happiness and comfort--you are creating the very kind of community that can open those doors to share Christ.

Hospitality serves a need.  For us, running out of wine (or anything else for that matter) isn't such a big deal.  You head around the corner and you pick more up.  But in the 1st century, when you're out, you're out!  And when you're out at a Jewish wedding, its humiliating.

In Jewish thought, wine is always associated with joy.  The Rabbis even had a saying that "without wine there is no joy."  And out of this embarrassing crisis John paints a deep, spiritual lesson for us.  Apart from Jesus, there can be joy in your marriage, or in a wedding or other celebration.  But good times that are nothing more than good times will eventually run out.  If we want unlimited joy, we need the presence and power of Jesus.  And that is just what we witness in this story.  The deepest need at this party could only be met by Jesus.  Likewise, our deepest needs, and those of our neighbors, can only be met by the presence and power of Jesus.

Hospitality brings joy to others.  When you take the facts of this story into account and do the math, you come to the conclusion that Jesus miraculously produced between 110 and 180 gallons of wine.  That's a lot of wine!  And that's the point; that the problem Jesus is solving is a shortage of something associated with joy and hospitality, and it is His presence that provides a joy and gladness of welcoming that will never, ever run out.

When we demonstrate Christ-centered hospitality toward others, both the quality and quantity of joy goes up.  They have never felt more loved, more welcomed, or more valued then they do when they are in your presence.

Hospitality mirrors the character of God.  This entire scenario did what any genuine, Christ-centered demonstration of hospitality should do: it brought great glory to Jesus.

Again, the table is a powerful thing, especially when those tending that table are followers of Jesus.  Because when you and I put our focus on another--when we welcome the stranger to our table--we are doing what Jesus did when He invited us to commune with Him.  Remember, we were strangers to His table, and had no business sitting at His table.  But he invited us anyway, just as he invited Zacchaeus, the tax cheat, to dine with him and it changed that man's life, and he paid back everything he had stolen with interest! (Luke 19:1-10)  Being hospitable mirrors God's character, and it can produce miraculous results.

What about you?  Who is your Zacchaeus?  Who is that person at work?  At school?  Who is that person in your community that no one wants to be around?  Who is that group that is held at arms' length that YOU need to be rubbing shoulders with?  Make the time to get out of the "holy huddle" with your Christian friends, and welcome a stranger.  Focus on the other.  And watch the power of the table as you mirror the character of God by bringing unlimited joy to the lives of others!

Monday Morning Rewind: A Questionable Life

Yesterday, we began a four-week series entitled "A Different Kind of Life."  If you have been a follower of Jesus for any significant length of time, or if you have been around a lot of people who follow Jesus, you have probably heard that Christians are supposed to be "different" from everybody else, and that's true.  Our Bible is full of passages calling us to a different sort of life.  In fact, the Scriptures have a word for this, and that word is "holy."

Now, when you ask someone to define "holiness" you get all sorts of answers.  Growing up in a conservative small town in the south, I was taught that this was always associated with certain activities that one should avoid.  In other words, in addition to following Jesus I should never use tobacco, drink alcohol, or vote for a Democrat. (no kidding!)

Of course, the problem with "lists" of forbidden behaviors is that they really don't produce the kind of life Jesus calls us to.  While there may be wisdom in avoiding activities that could be enslaving to the body and soul, even those who meet those standards often find themselves thinking the same way, having the same worries and concerns, and possessing the same aspirations as others.  In short, when others look at our lives, they often see little noticeable difference.

That raises a question:  What is this "different kind of life" that we are called to?  Well, that kind of life involves several things, and we began this series yesterday by emphasizing that this kind of life should be "questionable."  Our lives should be lived in such a manner as to cause others to ask, "who ARE you?!"

In Paul's letter to the Colossians, we get a glimpse of what this looks like.  When we looked at Chapter 4 yesterday, we saw a contrast between what he prayed for them as opposed to what he asked them to pray for him.

Be Vigilant.  Paul asked the church to be persistent in their prayers, and to pray fully aware of their circumstances.  When we read these requests, it should cause us to ask if we pray fully aware of what is transpiring in our neighborhood, our cul-de-sac, our community, and our world.

One of our staff values is "Prayer is our Primary Strategy."  In other words, prayer can't just be the "bookends" of a long meeting.  We try to look at our agenda, and if that agenda could be discussed anywhere outside of the church if we just removed "prayer" from the beginning and end, its probably not an agenda that deserves the attention of God's people or their leaders.

How about you?  Is prayer a regular and strategic part of your life?  Your family's life?  Vigilant prayer is informed, purposeful, personal, and as a result, far more powerful, and any truly "questionable" life starts with, ends with, and is permeated by it.

Be Bold.  Paul further asks the church as they pray to ask for boldness on his part.  It is obvious from this and other places in the Scripture that Paul was a gifted evangelist, and God tells us that He still gives the church those kinds of people today (Ephesians 4:11).  These people have an extraordinary ability to share the message of Jesus with clarity and compel others to turn from their sins and put their faith in Christ.

This doesn't mean that ONLY gifted evangelists should share their faith.  But it does mean that when it comes to these people, we should give them the room they need to exercise their gifts, encourage them, and pray for them often--that they would be BOLD!

But again, not everyone is gifted in this particular way.  Ever feel as though the church was "squeezing you into a mold" you didn't fit?  Some of the worst stories I've heard involving this were stories in which well-meaning church leaders suggested that everyone should be the bold, door-knocking, barrier-crossing evangelist.  Are you one of those people?  What if you aren't gifted in that way?  How should you take responsibility for sharing your own faith?

In other words, "what about the rest of us?

Be Intentional.  When Paul shifts his focus back to the church in verses 5 and 6, his tone changes.  Rather than ask for them the same thing he asks them for, he prays that they will "walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time."  Picture an airplane circling the airport--a regular stop in your routine.  Paul says to the church, "I want those moments to be spent in the presence of outsiders."

If he were alive today, Paul might express it this way; "Get out of the 'Christian bubble!'"  For too many followers of Jesus, we isolate ourselves from the very relationships Jesus intends that we establish.  Maybe its because we don't want to be uncomfortable.  Perhaps we think in doing so we are protecting our children from "corrupt influences."  But regardless of our reasons, the Apostle is telling us here "rubbing elbows with non-Christians should be a regular and intentional part of your life!"

In short, be strategic with your life!  And to be strategic and intentional, you have to walk among the world "in wisdom."  Think about how you spend your life.  Some of us have better health than others.  Some of us have more money than others.  But time is the great equalizer.  Every one of us is given the same 168 hours per week.  God expects us to use those hours strategically.

He also intends that we use that time in a way that is "questionable" to the world.  So while gifted evangelists should seize every opportunity to proclaim the Gospel with boldness, most in the church will share their faith via answering the questions unbelievers are asking who are in relationship with them.

That raises another question:  What are you doing, and how are you living that makes your life questionable?  If we worry about the same things as our non-Christian neighbors, spend our money in the same way, act the same way, react the same way to problems--if our life looks EXACTLY the same as theirs, what would they ask us about?

Paul's challenge here is to live a freakishly weird life--the kind of life that causes others to ask "who ARE you?!"

By the 4th century, the Roman Empire, which at one time saw Christianity as an undesirable faith to be eliminated, had begun to see thousands of people following Jesus.  That didn't happen because of mass evangelism, literature distribution, or a "hot band" on the stage.  It happened because followers of Jesus fed the hungry, showed hospitality to strangers, tended the graves of the dead who were not part of their faith treated women as equals in a male-dominated world, and treated household slaves as brothers.

Rome came to faith in Jesus because no one in Rome had ever seen a life quite like this!

How about you?  Are you living in a "questionable" marriage?  Are you running a "questionable" business?  That is our calling; living a questionable life to the glory of God!

"How Did You Do It?" 22 Years of Marital "Bliss" and "Blisters"

22 years ago tomorrow, a beautiful, smart, winsome, godly young lady with obvious issues of blindness and bad character judgement had already said "I do" to a young 22-year-old knot-head named Joel. 

If, at that moment, you had told either of us what God had in store for us over the next two decades, we would not have believed it!

As you can tell from the pictures, we don't look the same as we once did.  Amy has gotten a lot prettier, and I've gotten a lot uglier and hairier!  Additionally, there are now three other people who live with us who call us "Mom" and "Dad," and as anyone who is a parent knows, the presence of such little ones changes life in profound ways.  All in all, its been a blessed 22 years, and yes, I'd do it all over again with this wonderful woman.  It hasn't all been fun, but marriage isn't supposed to be.

Over the past several decades, divorce statistics remain unchanged, and as a minister of the Gospel, I've personally experienced those statistics.  Charles Lowery once comically said "I'd rather preach a funeral than a wedding any day.  They pay more, and they last longer!"  I can certainly vouch for that.  About 30% of the couples for whom I have officiated a wedding are now divorced.  On the other hand, everyone I've ever buried is right where I left them!

In this kind of context, we are often asked by younger couples how we have made it as long as we have.  Because we constantly praise and adore each other publicly, sometimes folks get the false impression that Amy and I have never had marriage struggles. Truth is, we have hit a few very rough patches in our years together, just like every couple does.  So, why are we still together?

1. Because we try to love Jesus more than we love each other.  Here is the unvarnished truth.  I don't deserve my wife, and the Biblical prohibition against divorce isn't about me or her.  Its about Jesus.  I think if we based our "staying power" merely on our devotion to each other, we too might have been a statistic years ago.  Keeping the wedding vows I made to my wife aren't primarily for the benefit of my wife.  Its about a promise I made to my Creator and Redeemer when I entered into the very marriage covenant that He created in order to point people to Himself.

One day in the future, one of us will pass away and leave the other one behind.  In that moment, the Rainey marriage covenant will be forever severed, because contrary to what some false religions teach, we aren't headed toward an eternal marriage between Joel and Amy. Instead, Joel and Amy are both headed toward their ultimate Bridegroom.  On that day, we won't miss each other because we will both be too busy basking in the unspeakable glory of what our earthly marriage was always supposed to be pointing to.  As wonderful as my relationship has been with Amy, I can't imagine how wonderful that day will be!

So over the past 22 years when arguments seemed to become more regular, or one of us thought the other seemed to be less tolerable, we've tried to look beyond each other, and toward what we promised God we would do our best to reflect--the very thing He expects marriage to reflect.  It hasn't always been easy, but God has a way of always out-giving us in every way, and I've certainly experienced that when it comes to how rewarded I feel by Him for our faithfulness to each other.

2. Because we allow each other to be who we are.  Amy genuinely loves to run, and has completed two half-marathons.  If I'm running, its either because someone has a gun, or because I've come to the conclusion that I don't need to get any fatter than I already am.  Amy is a slow, careful, deliberate and thoughtful reader.  I go through books like chicken wings.  Amy likes to take her time in the grocery store.  I want to split up the list and do double the shopping in half the time.  When we vacation, Amy enjoys the journey.  I'm trying to break a record to get to the destination.

Bottom line:  we are different, and we allow for those differences in each other.  I have a pair of running shoes only because she loves to run.  She has a motorcycle helmet because she knows I'm most relaxed when I'm on my Harley in in the mountains.  Because we know these things about each other, we make sure the other can make time for these things.  They come up every time we have a "calendar meeting."  And we do this because, in the midst of my pastoral schedule, teaching duties and publishing deadlines, and her juggling of the home schedule, we don't want to lose each other.  I thank God for a woman who, when she sees me stressed out, asks "so when was the last time you took a ride?"

3. Because we are best friends.  I'll be brutally honest here:  When I was standing at the altar 22 years ago with my soon-to-be wife, I had a few things going through my mind, but none so intense as the thoughts of what we would be up to that evening!  (Cue the retching now from the peanut gallery.......and my children!)

And I know what some of you are asking, "but it wasn't just the physical attraction.  You did LOVE her, didn't you?"  And I will say yes, I loved her--at least as much as any 22-year-old BOY could love anyone. Furthermore, those feelings weren't wrong.  God put them there for a reason.  But, those feelings alone don't make a marriage last, principally because they come and go.  You'd be amazed at how quickly the sweet smell of cologne and perfume fades when the stench of dirty laundry and medicinal salve is in the room!  

Over the years, Amy and I have had many "romantic getaways" when we hire a sitter and take off for a night away, or several nights away.  Our 10th anniversary was spent in Cozumel; our 20th in Key Largo.  This year's anniversary finds us 12,000 miles apart while she does some really important work with educators in Vietnam.  So when she gets back and we are finally able to celebrate, it will probably involve a jacked-up body clock.

And then there was three years ago.  We were planning to go out for a quiet evening together at a local restaurant, but two of our three children caught a stomach bug, so instead we ate takeout, sat on our back deck, and were available in case one of them threw up.

Romantic, huh?

Over the past 22 years, we've had many more experiences like what we faced three years ago than we've had trips to exotic destinations!  And through all of those experiences, we have learned that the best way to face them is to do so as friends.  There is nothing wrong with romance.  I've learned to enjoy it far more over the years. When we get dressed up to go out, Amy is always stunning.  Its funny, I can look at women's clothes on the rack, or jewelry in her jewelry box and not have a clue, but believe me, she knows where it all goes, and it looks really good when she gets it all in place! She is beautiful, thoughtful and intelligent, and that makes candlelight dinners with her an exquisite pleasure.

Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with sex.  Matter of fact, I happen to think that sex is fantastic!  Sex can greatly enhance a permanent bond between husband and wife, but it cannot create that bond, and it isn't what makes a marriage last.  If you think otherwise, you have placed sex on a throne where only God belongs.  

Prolonged sickness, a tough pregnancy, young children that won't sleep, stressful times at work, and a hundred other things can result in you being "on the bench" for a while where sex is concerned. But you always have friendship, regardless of whether the lights are dimmed, whether you hear the kids puking in the background, or whether or not you can work out that getaway.  Friendship isn't dependent on context.  Its unconditional, just like the love we are commanded to have for each other in a marriage.

4. Because we have sought help. I've known and pastored a lot of married couples, and the only ones I've known who never had a rough patch were those who had a problem with compulsive lying.  Amy and I have experienced those rough patches too, and one of the ways we made it through was to seek help.  Twice we have visited a counselor, because there was an issue we knew we needed to work through together, but weren't sure how to do it.  At that point, our marriage wasn't "about to fall apart" (if you wait that long, you might need more than a counselor!), but we wanted to stay on top of things together.

We have also been greatly helped through the years by other couples much older, who have been married much longer.  By living in relationship with them, we have learned from their mistakes, and gained much wisdom on how to improve our own relationship.  Professional counseling can be a good thing, but trust me, the guy with a Ph.D. who is on his third wife has nothing profitable to say to you about marriage.  On the other hand, if you can find a couple who has been married at least as long as you have been alive, you will most likely gain a lot of very useful wisdom.  

Come to think of it, you shouldn't even be asking this 22 year veteran about marriage.  I'm still learning myself!  Instead, go to church and find that man who has been married for 40 or 50 or 60 years.  Find that sweet old lady who walks in every Sunday with a walking cane in one hand, and her husband's hand in the other.  You might learn something.  I know Amy and I have!

So I sit here this morning grateful to Jesus for holding Amy and me together for all these years, and I'm grateful to a wonderful wife and best friend who continues with me on this journey.  Happy Anniversary Amy!  Come home safe!

When Your Pastor Falls

Yesterday, the elders of NewSpring Church, the 30,000 attendee, multi-site congregation in my home state, announced the release of Senior Pastor Perry Noble due to behaviors that disqualify him for pastoral ministry.  This announcement was understandably shocking, both to the evangelical world, and more so to the NewSpring church family.

Some predictable responses to this sad news have already transpired--from secular media outlets pointing out NewSpring's status as the "richest church," to angry fundamentalists shouting "See! I told you so!"  For my part, my heart goes out to Perry, and to the church he founded.

When the first church I ever planted was just an infant, NewSpring was itself just learning how to walk.  Those were trying times in my own life and ministry, and I remember several conversations with Perry that helped me greatly.  Perry cares about the church--all churches.  Perry cares about pastors.  But mostly, Perry cares deeply about lost people finding Jesus.  Perry did  many things differently than I would do them, and a few things I would never do.  But you don't have to be twins to be brothers, and as a whole, I have been very thankful for this brother and the difference he has made.

And since yesterday, I've been thinking a lot about NewSpring Church, and many other churches like her who have had to bid farewell to a pastor who disqualified himself for ministry.  Noble and NewSpring may currently be alone in the spotlight, but they are far from the only pastor and church that have encountered a situation like this.  When this kind of thing happens, it doesn't matter how big or how "rich" you are.  Its excruciatingly painful for all involved.  I've consulted with multiple churches in the wake of their leader's moral failure--be it sexual, financial, substance abuse, or other lack of personal discipline.  Moments like that in the life of a church are humiliating for the pastor, impossibly difficult for those who hold him accountable, and painful for a church family that, whether or not they realize it, are dealing with a level of grief commensurate with losing a family member to death.

Often, churches don't know what to do in a situation like this.  Based on my own experience in helping churches through crises like this, let me make the following suggestions.  How should you view the pastor who has disappointed you and let you down?  And, what does the pastor who now no longer leads your church need from you?

He needs your discipline.  This is a difficult thing for many to hear, especially those in the body of Christ who are gifted with mercy and helps.  They rightly expect restoration and often cry out "why can't we just forgive him and move on?"  Within that cry is an honorable desire to redeem the situation and the person.  But often, this cry is accompanied by ignorance of the fact that "forgiveness" and "restoration" are two completely different things.  1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 are clear about the character qualities of those who dare to be pastors.  In the case of Perry Noble, those principles were violated by an over-dependency on alcohol.  But I've seen similar circumstances arise from sexual sin, lack of discipline, or the inability to control one's temper.  When disqualifying sin has taken place and all other avenues have been exhausted, removal is best for the church, for the community, and even for the pastor.  The fact that it is also painful doesn't mean its wrong.

So if you are faced with the removal of your pastor over disqualifying sin, trust your leaders who have rightly held him accountable, and follow them as they seek to lead the church forward while simultaneously getting the pastor the resources he and his family need to heal.

He needs your mouth......to stay shut!  News of what happened at NewSpring yesterday had spread to every major news outlet in North America by last night.  Imagine how you would feel if your worst moments not only cost you your job, but were also on display on TV screens, computer screens and smartphones all over America.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself "but Perry was a mega-church pastor.  Our church is much smaller--much less well-known."  But while it is true that your pastor's sins may never end up on CNN, in a situation like this they will certainly end up on the "Community Bulletin Board" where all the "real news" in your small town gets read anyway.  My point?  Your pastor and his family will be humiliated by a situation like this regardless, and the absolute last thing he needs are those he has served as shepherd adding gossip and rumor to the situation.

Yesterday, the leaders of NewSpring balanced transparency with discretion.  And because they didn't "tell it all" there will be plenty of gaps in the story, and people naturally want to fill in the gaps.  If you are part of a church where this is happening, your time is much better spent praying for your church family and your former pastor.  Don't feed the rumor mill.  Doing so only brings greater humiliation.

He needs your unity.  Your church needs it too.  This is not the time to "jump ship" and head to the church across town.  This is not the time to hit the exit ramp because church doesn't feel like Disney World any more.  And its certainly not the time to give the impression that the former pastor is the whole reason you joined the church anyway (Truthfully, if the pastor is the only reason you are there, you are there for the wrong reason!).  Now is the time to lock arms with your hurting church family.

One of the things I"m thankful for in the NewSpring situation is that Perry is humbly receiving the rebuke and discipline from church leaders.  Without that posture, this could have been much worse.  In the worst cases I've seen, the pastor resists loving discipline and "splants" a church by dividing the house and taking those loyal to him down the street to start another one.  Being part of something like that isn't honoring to your former pastor.  It enables him in further misconduct, and does traumatic damage to your church family, the community, and the witness of the Gospel.  Don't play the "God is leading me....." card on this one.  That's just ridiculous.  Now more than ever, stay with your church family!  Years from now, your former pastor will be encouraged to know that his behavior didn't do lasting damage to the body of Christ.

He needs your appreciation  While many gifted with mery and helps want to quickly "forgive" and "restore," may gifted with prophecy and discernment--the "justice" gifts--will want to find a tall tree and a short piece of rope from which to hang their former pastor.  This too, is unhealthy.

When a pastor falls, many are devastated because they say to themselves "I never thought he would be capable of something like this!"  Trust has been broken.  Spiritual trauma has been inflicted on the body.  In moments like that, it is easy to forget that you can't measure a man's life in one bad moment.

As you process your grief and disappointment, also keep in mind that it was the guy who couldn't control his drinking who also baptized your children.  It was the guy who cheated on his wife who was also there for you when your mother died suddenly.  In those moments, he never left your side.  Now, he needs you by his side.  That doesn't mean you can't feel disappointment or even anger.  It does mean you shouldn't forget how often he blessed you and your family.  Recall those moments, and communicate them to him to encourage him.

He needs your prayers  How often do you think he prayed for you?  He and his family now stand in great need of your prayers.  Ask God to give him greater wisdom for the future.  Ask God to heal him.  Ask God to heal his family.  Ask God to one day restore him to ministry.

One of the signatures on my ministry license is that of a man who would be later removed from a church because of substance abuse.  Yes, he sinned and disqualified himself..  And yes, the church did the right thing by removing him.  But whatever good anyone sees in my ministry now is largely due to his investment in me as a young man.  We shouldn't forget things like that, nor should we let those who have fallen forget them.

By God's grace, both Perry Noble and NewSpring Church have a future.  If your church has been through similar circumstances, you have a future too, and so does the man you once called "Pastor."  Give him what he needs, and trust God to give your church what it needs.