"How Did You Do It?" Reflections on 21 years of Marital "bliss" and "blisters."

21 years ago at this time, a beautiful, smart, winsome, godly young lady with obvious issues of blindness and bad character judgement had already said "I do" to a young 22-year-old knot-head named Joel.  We were preparing to leave the wedding reception where we had been talking with friends and family, and head to the beautiful area of Boone, North Carolina, where we would spend our Honeymoon.

If, at that moment, you had told either of us what God had in store for us over the next two decades, we would not have believed it!

As you can tell from the pictures, we don't look the same as we once did.  Amy has gotten a lot prettier, and I've gotten a lot uglier and hairier!  Additionally, there are now three other people who live with us who call us "Mom" and "Dad," and as anyone who is a parent knows, the presence of such little ones changes life in profound ways.  All in all, its been a blessed 21 years, and yes, I'd do it all over again with this wonderful woman.  It hasn't all been fun, but marriage isn't supposed to be.

Over the past several decades, divorce statistics remain unchanged, and as a minister of the Gospel, I've personally experienced those statistics.  Charles Lowery once comically said "I'd rather preach a funeral than a wedding any day.  They pay more, and they last longer!"  I can certainly vouch for that.  About 30% of the couples for whom I have officiated a wedding are now divorced.  On the other hand, everyone I've ever buried is right where I left them!

In this kind of context, we are often asked by younger couples how we have made it as long as we have.  Because we constantly praise and adore each other publicly, sometimes folks get the false impression that Amy and I have never had marriage struggles. Truth is, we have hit a few very rough patches in our years together, just like every couple does.  So, why are we still together?

1. Because we try to love Jesus more than we love each other.  Here is the unvarnished truth.  I don't deserve my wife, and the Biblical prohibition against divorce isn't about me or her.  Its about Jesus.  I think if we based our "staying power" merely on our devotion to each other, we too might have been a statistic years ago.  Keeping the wedding vows I made to my wife aren't primarily for the benefit of my wife.  Its about a promise I made to my Creator and Redeemer when I entered into the very marriage covenant that He created in order to point people to Himself.

One day in the future, one of us will pass away and leave the other one behind.  In that moment, the Rainey marriage covenant will be forever severed, because contrary to what some false religions teach, we aren't headed toward an eternal marriage between Joel and Amy. Instead, Joel and Amy are both headed toward their ultimate Bridegroom.  On that day, we won't miss each other because we will both be too busy basking in the unspeakable glory of what our earthly marriage was always supposed to be pointing to.  As wonderful as my relationship has been with Amy, I can't imagine how wonderful that day will be!

So over the past 21 years when arguments seemed to become more regular, or one of us thought the other seemed to be less tolerable, we've tried to look beyond each other, and toward what we promised God we would do our best to reflect--the very thing He expects marriage to reflect.  It hasn't always been easy, but God has a way of always out-giving us in every way, and I've certainly experienced that when it comes to how rewarded I feel by Him for our faithfulness to each other.

2. Because we allow each other to be who we are.  Amy genuinely loves to run, and has completed two half-marathons.  If I'm running, its either because someone has a gun, or because I've come to the conclusion that I don't need to get any fatter than I already am.  Amy is a slow, careful, deliberate and thoughtful reader.  I go through books like chicken wings.  Amy likes to take her time in the grocery store.  I want to split up the list and do double the shopping in half the time.  When we vacation, Amy enjoys the journey.  I'm trying to break a record to get to the destination.

Bottom line:  we are different, and we allow for those differences in each other.  I have a pair of running shoes only because she loves to run.  She has a motorcycle helmet because she knows I'm most relaxed when I'm on my Harley in Maryland's Catoctin Mountains.  Because we know these things about each other, we make sure the other can make time for these things.  They come up every time we have a "calendar meeting."  And we do this because, in the midst of my work-related travel and publishing deadlines, and her juggling of the home schedule, we don't want to lose each other.  I thank God for a woman who, when she sees me stressed out, asks "so when was the last time you took a ride Babe?"

3. Because we are best friends.  I'll be brutally honest here:  When I was standing at the altar 21 years ago with my soon-to-be wife, I had a few things going through my mind, but none so intense as the thoughts of what we would be up to that evening!  (Cue the retching now from the peanut gallery.......and my children!)

And I know what some of you are asking, "but it wasn't just the physical attraction.  You did LOVE her, didn't you?"  And I will say yes, I loved her--at least as much as any 22-year-old BOY could love anyone. Furthermore, those feelings weren't wrong.  God put them there for a reason.  But, those feelings alone don't make a marriage last, principally because they come and go.  You'd be amazed at how quickly the sweet smell of cologne and perfume fades when the stench of dirty laundry and medicinal salve is in the room!  

Over the years, Amy and I have had many "romantic getaways" when we hire a sitter and take off for a night away, or several nights away.  Our 10th anniversary was spent in Cozumel; our 20th in Key Largo.  This year's anniversary falls less than 48 hours after Amy returned from Vietnam, so whatever we are doing, it will involve a jacked-up body clock, and she will probably need to turn in by 8 PM to catch up on 40 hours without sleep from Hanoi back to Baltimore two days ago.

And then there was two years ago.  We were planning to go out for a quiet evening together at a local restaurant, but two of our three children caught a stomach bug, so instead we ate takeout, sat on our back deck, and were available in case one of them threw up.  Romantic, huh?

And over the past 21 years, we've had many more experiences like what we faced two years ago than we've had trips to exotic destinations!  And through all of those experiences, we have learned that the best way to face them is to do so as friends.  There is nothing wrong with romance.  I've learned to enjoy it far more over the years. When we get dressed up to go out, Amy is always stunning.  Its funny, I can look at women's clothes on the rack, or jewelry in her jewelry box and not have a clue, but believe me, she knows where it all goes, and it looks really good when she gets it all in place!  She is beautiful, thoughtful and intelligent, and that makes candlelight dinners with her an exquisite pleasure.

Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with sex.  Matter of fact, I happen to think that sex is fantastic!  Sex can greatly enhance a permanent bond between husband and wife, but it cannot create that bond, and it isn't what makes a marriage last.  Prolonged sickness, a tough pregnancy, young children that won't sleep, stressful times at work, and a hundred other things can result in you being "on the bench" for a while where sex is concerned.  But you always have friendship, regardless of whether the lights are dimmed, whether you hear the kids puking in the background, or whether or not you can work out that getaway.  Friendship isn't dependent on context.  Its unconditional, just like the love we are commanded to have for each other in a marriage.

4. Because we have sought help.  Once early in our marriage a co-worker commented that Amy and I always seemed to get along so well.  "Do you ever fight?" she asked?  "Oh yeah, " I responded, "and sometimes, chains and billy-sticks are involved!"

I've known and pastored a lot of married couples, and the only ones I've known who never had a rough patch were those who had a problem with compulsive lying.  Amy and I have experienced those rough patches too, and one of the ways we made it through was to seek help.  Twice we have visited a counselor, because there was an issue we knew we needed to work through together, but weren't sure how to do it.  At that point, our marriage wasn't "about to fall apart" (if you wait that long, you might need more than a counselor!), but we wanted to stay on top of things together.

We have also been greatly helped through the years by other couples much older, who have been married much longer.  By living in relationship with them, we have learned from their mistakes, and gained much wisdom on how to improve our own relationship.  Professional counseling can be a good thing, but trust me, the guy with a Ph.D. who is on his third wife has nothing profitable to say to you about marriage.  On the other hand, if you can find a couple who has been married at least as long as you have been alive, you will most likely gain a lot of very useful wisdom.  Come to think of it, you shouldn't even be asking this 21 year veteran about marriage.  I'm still learning myself!  Instead, go to church and find that man who has been married for 40 or 50 or 60 years.  Find that sweet old lady who walks in every Sunday with a walking cane in one hand, and her husband's hand in the other.  You might learn something.  I know Amy and I have!

I am an undeserving, but forgiven and therefore incredibly blessed man.  I'm grateful to Jesus for holding us together for all these years, and I'm grateful to a wonderful wife and best friend who continues with me on this journey.  Happy Anniversary Amy!

2015 Summer Reading List

Well, its time for me to take a break from the blogosphere for several weeks, take a family vacation, spend some time overseas, and get ready for a busy fall!  As has been the case for many years, I want to leave you with the following reading recommendations for your summer.

1. Overturning Tables: Freeing Missions from the Christian-Industrial Complex  Scott Bessenecker.  I have a review of this book that will be coming out in a few months in the fall edition of Evangelical Missions Quarterly.  One of the things I've said frequently in recent years is this: that the biggest barrier to the global spread of our 2000-year-old message is a 200-year-old delivery system!  In this book, Bessenecker, who works for Intervarsity Fellowship, seeks to paint a picture of what 21st century global engagement might look like.  Though there are a few areas where Bessenecker and I would part ways, overall, his analysis of many "modern missions"vehicles is accurate, and worthy of the church's attention.  Pastors who have a heart for reaching the world with the Gospel should read, and digest slowly and carefully, Bessenecker's observations.  Those of us who work at the denominational level should pay even closer attention.  I don't believe the death of denominations is a foregone conclusion.  In fact, I think our brightest days may be ahead, but only if we sincerely seek to understand the world as it is rather than as we wish it were, or as it was when our respective institutions were founded.  Bessenecker's work gives us a great start toward re-envisioning what this should look like as we anticipate bridging the mid-21st century.

2. 52 Weeks With Jesus: Fall in Love with the One Who Changed Everything.  James Merritt  A parishioner gave me a copy of Merritt's new book just a few weeks ago, and I've since begun to incorporate it into my own devotional times.  Short but substantive daily readings are gathered into 52 "chapters" designed to take you through an entire year of devotions.  In his classic style, James Merritt combines accurate exegesis with practical application for your daily walk.

3. Autopsy of a Deceased Church.  Thom Rainer  The value of this little book is inversely proportional to its size.  Many pastors in our Convention have already availed themselves of it, and many churches in decline have looked to it for an accurate diagnosis of what ails them.  One church I've recently consulted with that is searching for a new pastor was actually frightened by this book.  They saw themselves in its pages, and took measures to correct their downward slide.  They have since begun to grow even without a pastor!  One of the worst kept secrets in the west is that the majority of our churches are plateaued or in decline.  Rainer succinctly and accurately identifies the most common elements causing this slide.  Its a short read that is well-worth your time.

4. The Insanity of God: A True Story of Faith Resurrected.  Nik Ripken  Considered to be one of the foremost experts on the persecuted church around the world, Nik Ripken intertwines his personal story of growing up in rural Kentucky and his eventual exposure to the rest of the world with the realities of that world as he has experienced them as a Christian missionary and aid worker.  Like Ripken, I grew up in the American south where Christianity was almost a cultural expectation, meaning that texts like Luke 9:23 made very little sense to me.  Candidly, its never really cost me--or many other American Christians for that matter--very much at all to be a disciple of Jesus.  Ripken gives us a vivid picture of our brothers and sisters abroad for whom that is not true, and through their stories gives us a vision of those who live in our own time, who are described by the author of Hebrews as "those of whom the world was not worthy."  Ripken's book is a phenomenal description of how God's persecuted children are advancing the global movement of Jesus in places you wouldn't expect.

5. Speaking of Jesus: The Art of Non-Evangelism.  Carl Medearis  Medearis is an American pastor who currently serves with his family in Beirut, Lebanon.  Though his main area of expertise and writing focuses on ministry in Muslim-majority contexts, Medearis' focus in this book is to equip followers of Jesus to speak naturally about their faith.  Over the past couple of years, I've grown fond of Carl Medearis from a distance and learned much from his writings personally.  If you struggle with actively and regularly sharing your faith, this book can help you learn to speak more naturally about the One who has changed your life.

I hope you enjoy these great reads, and I'll see you in the fall!

Combat Soldiers, Special Needs Parenting, and the Church

According to the Centers for Disease Control, roughly 1 in 68 children in America have been identified as having Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).  Though each child plots differently on the spectrum (some high and others low), one thing that all parents of children with special needs share in common is this:  life can be very, very challenging!

Whether it is ASD or some other issue, parenting a special needs child poses unique challenges.  I know, because my wife and I are the parents of a special needs son.  One of the unique aspects of autism is that it magnifies all things about your child--ALL things.  All are created in God's image, and all are affected by sin.  Through the lens of autism, special needs parents have a front-row seat to the best of the imago dei and the worst of the fall--and they often see both within minutes of each other.

Yet many who are not raising special needs kids have difficulty understanding the experiences of special needs parents.  In many ways, the article below is accurate in describing the role of a special needs parent as that of a combat soldier.  If that sounds like an overstatement, just keep reading.

But beyond the challenges of special needs parents, there is another issue.  The one place where they should feel refuge; the one place their child should feel valued above all other places, is too often the one place where they are merely treated as a burden.  Conversely, many special needs parents see church involvement as a burden.  This simply should not be.

While my wife and I are blessed with a wonderful church family full of folks who understand, I've talked with way too many special needs families where this is not the case.  Overall, the church is failing the families of special needs kids.  If you want to know how, and if you want your church to be a true place of refuge, read the following article by Sheri Dacon.

You can access it here:

We Need to Talk: The Conversation White Evangelicals are Avoiding

Woe to those who make unjust laws; to those who issue oppressive decrees.  -Isaiah 10:1

"Systemic Racism"  Just utter the phrase, and emotions immediately go into the stratosphere.

Last week, I was invited to speak to a youth group at one of our churches about all that has transpired in Baltimore.  We had a great conversation about the long-term issues present in the city that need to be addressed.  I was highly encouraged by these young men and women, and their willingness to talk about these subjects.  I was even more impressed by their knowledge, and understanding that these are long-term issues that will require long-term commitments.

In suburbia, that's a rare thing.

Over the past few weeks since the riots, I've witnessed followers of Jesus outside the city make many pronouncements about the city.  Those experiences have made me realize that the body of Christ is divided--largely along geographic, socio-economic, and racial lines.  In other words, we are divided in exactly the same ways that the world is divided!

For some time I've suspected that our rural and suburban congregations understand very little about our brothers and sisters who live in the city. (and vice-versa)  But recent events in Baltimore have me more convicted than ever about this divide.  We need to talk!

But in order to have this conversation, we have to stop playing the world's game of yelling at each other through media soundbites.  The issues in Baltimore, at heart, are reconciliation issues, and as followers of Jesus, we carry with us the greatest story of reconciliation in the history of humanity.  But our presumption of the worst about each other is clouding that message, and if we want to avoid answering to Jesus for this, we have to put aside simplistic answers to what ails Baltimore and other cities, and have honest conversations with each other.  Over the past few weeks, I've been highly encouraged to see some pastors and others in our churches express willingness to enter these discussions.  But there are still too many who oversimplify what they don't understand.

A few things I've heard that oversimplify the issues:

1. "You just hate cops."  I've been a chaplain for two police departments, and have a high degree of respect for these men and women.  Furthermore, I believe anyone who picked up a rock and threw it at a badge in Baltimore was assaulting an expression of God-ordained civil authority, and they should be prosecuted.  Seeking to understand why someone takes violent action is not the same thing as condoning that action.

Additionally, speaking against police officers, and speaking against the system they are charged with enforcing by oath are two completely different things.  And when we work together to make the latter more just, we are also protecting and honoring police officers.  When I speak about an unjust system, I'm not just doing it for the victims of that system.  I speak about it for the benefit of police officers as well.  Their job is to enforce the law, whether or not they agree with it.  So if the system they are enforcing is infected with injustice, that's a dangerous environment in which to work!

We need to stop equating honest critique of the system with "hating cops."

2. "Just obey the law and you won't get in trouble."This is absolutely true.  Or maybe not!  Many decades ago during the Great Depression, many of my ancestors produced, transported, distributed, and consumed illegal alcohol.  Most who remember those "bootlegger" days will explain that environment in this way; "well, it was the Depression, and there were simply no jobs that paid a living wage.  This was the only way we could get by."

Am I excusing my ancestors from breaking the law by such a statement?  Not at all!  Yet most understand that there were systemic issues in rural Appalachian culture that motivated such behavior. It just doesn't seem like we understand that the same issues are present in cities like Baltimore.  Drugs are produced, distributed and sold because, in many parts of the city, there is little else one can do to make a livable wage.  And once you are arrested and imprisoned on drug charges, its a little hard to find honest work once you get out. So guess what you do?  The vicious cycle continues.

Again, my point is not to justify breaking the law.  It is to give some perspective on the complicated issues surrounding crime in the city.  I only wish solving the city's problems were as simple as telling people to "just obey the law."

3. "Those people need to get a job."Having talked with many of "those people," I can tell you first hand that many of them would LOVE to.  Problem is, there are no jobs--at least none within walking distance.  And with what car are they going to get to a more prosperous part of the city, or out of the city, to find gainful employment?  And again, if they have a criminal record, what are the chances that anyone will hire them?

4. "This is a political issue and we shouldn't talk politics from the pulpit." Just because a politician talks about something a lot doesn't make the issue purely "political."  I find it strange that when I'm in the city and address abortion or sexual sin, I'm accused of "being political in the pulpit."  But I'm equally amazed at how I get charged with the same thing when I'm in white suburbia and bring up issues of systemic justice in our cities.  God's Word has much to say about all these issues, and faithful followers of Jesus will refuse to bow at the alter of golden elephants, or golden donkeys.

A few things we need to talk honestly about:

Justice:  We need to speak honestly about a system that treats people differently if they can afford a good attorney.  We need to speak prophetically toward a justice system where private industry profits from the imprisonment of the populace.  We need to ask why, with only 5% of the world's population, we house 1/3 of the worlds prisoners.  And we also need to state the obvious: that most who are the victims of these inconsistencies are from the black community in our nations cities.

Economics:  The infrastructure of most of our cities, including Baltimore, is weak and crumbling, and that environment will not provide appropriate fuel to ignite an economic engine.  Baltimore in particular has some of the best health care facilities in the world, and most of the poorest in the city have no access to it.  Howard County, which shares a border with Baltimore, is one of the top five public school districts in the nation.  Yet many inner city schools are still using textbooks with copyrights from the 1970s. The crime rate in certain parts of the city is inhibiting economic growth, and that slow growth in turn creates a ripe environment for more crime.

Urban development:  When most see urban communities gentrified, they celebrate.  Yet most gentrification projects are executed with the aim of attracting a very different kind of person to that area than those who currently live there.  When Donald Trump buys up 15 city blocks, razes crack houses, and builds $500,000 townhomes, the result is a revitalization of the area by an influx of folks who are already among the middle and upper classes.  Problem is, this approach to development does nothing to actually help the poor, who are simply relocated to another part of the city.  We need conversations that focus on project development that seeks the renewal of an area from the inside-out.

The Gospel: Our understanding of Creation and the imago dei should motivate us to serve those in areas like Baltimore whose living conditions are, quite frankly, beneath the dignity of our common humanity.  Our understanding of the fall should humble us to realize that we in suburbia are just as broken, just as sinful, just as rebellious against God, and suffer from just as much dysfunction as our urban neighbors.  Its just easier to hide our junk behind gated communities.  Our understanding of redemption should push us toward doing what Jesus did--incarnating ourselves among people different from us.

For us, that will mean going into contexts like Baltimore as learners, seeking to understand and identify with people in the city that Jesus died to save.  And our understanding of restoration should lead us to be satisfied with nothing less than a long-term commitment to areas like Baltimore--commitment that eventually leads to the spiritual and tangible transformation of communities that reflect the Kingdom Jesus one day intends to establish here on earth.  There are already many faithful pastors, and other brothers and sisters in Christ there from whom we can learn much.  And if we come as learners, they long for our partnership and cooperation!

But by and large, we aren't having these conversations in our churches.  Our propensity to oversimplify issues and cast them in partisan terms--essentially to capitulate to definitions and explanations given by media talking heads in 3-minute segments--has blinded us to the fact that there are serious issues of justice in our cities that need to be addressed.  It is past time for us to hear from pastors and churches in those cities who work in these conditions every day.  In fact, opportunities are developing right now to have those conversations this coming November in Baltimore!  As soon as the details are finalized, I will post them here.

We need to talk!

Getting out of the Ghetto: Why Pew's Research on the Church in America Means Very Little

"If you live in a ghetto the size of New York City, you may not know it."  I heard those words 15 years ago from a pastor talking about my denomination.  His simple point was that there are indeed Christians outside the Southern Baptist Convention.  But when you are the largest Protestant denomination in America, sometimes its hard to see past your own sense of largeness.

But that principle isn't true only for my denominational tribe.  Its also true for the wider body of Christ in the west, and events of the past few days have proven this fact.  Last week, Pew Research released its latest project focusing on the state of American Evangelicalism.   Called America's Changing Religious Landscape, the study claims that the number of self-proclaimed Christians has dropped sharply over the past 7 years, while adherents to other faiths and the unaffiliated (sometimes called the "nones") continue to grow.

Reaction to this report has varied, and a few have lamented the beginning of the end of American Christianity.  But those who think such things don't understand this research--or the nature of Christian faith wherever it may exist on the globe.  As Ed Stetzer has well-said, "Christianity is not dying and no serious researcher thinks that."  So why do so many-including those within the body of Christ in the west--seem to believe it is so?  I would suggest its because our "ghetto" is crumbling.  For too long, we've been unable to see the work of God beyond our own western constructs.  And that's a large part of why Pew's latest research isn't very helpful.

1. It measures institutional Christendom, not Christianity.  No doubt about it, the predominant and most visible brand of "Christianity" that has existed on this continent for centuries is dying.  But that doesn't mean that genuine followers of Jesus in the west are declining in numbers.  As our culture continues to shift in a direction that makes being Christian something that is no longer culturally convenient, we are witnessing Jesus separating His American sheep from the goats with whom they have long been herded inside an institutional form of western Christendom.

Decades ago Billy Graham postulated that as many as 75% of church-goers had no genuine relationship with Jesus Christ.  Pew's observations of the decline in numbers in the western church doesn't reflect that there are less Christians in America.  It is only revealing who the genuine Christ-followers are among us.

2. It is focused on the west.  For the past 500 years, Protestant Christianity in all its forms has been primarily defined in western terms--first throughout Europe and eventually by its growth in America. For the most part, this is because "Reformation theology" was developed in a distinctly western context, and it was that theology that for the past half millennium has informed everything from our modern church structures to our missions-delivery systems.  Though I have great appreciation for this tradition (I am, after all, a product of church life, seminary education, and missions deployment that has been almost exclusively informed by this approach), it is not a tradition that has ever truly considered the whole of the global body of Christ.  The most we can say of western Protestantism in this regard is that it saw itself as the "starting point" for spreading the Gospel throughout the world.  But even today, most in Protestant churches don't think very much about the contribution of the wider and global body of Christ.  And this myopic understanding continues in spite of the fact that other nations have been sending missionaries to our own shores for decades.

When we look exclusively, or for that matter, even primarily, through this western Reformed lens, we miss most of what God is doing in the world today.  While we lament the decline of Christendom in the west, our brothers and sisters in the "2/3 world" are witnessing an explosion of growth.  Alan Hirsch has rightly stated that "the new face of 21st century global Christianity is no longer the European man, but the African woman."  Throughout South America, sub-sahara Africa, the middle east, and the Asian subcontinent, Jesus is using His church in these areas to introduce millions of new believers to Himself.  Perhaps if we focused a little less on our decline, and more on what is causing their success, we might learn something that would empower the Gospel witness of the western church.  It is past time for us to step down from the teacher's lectern and begin learning from our brothers and sisters abroad

3. It feeds the misconception that we are different from the rest of the world.  Why do we seem so unwilling to learn from other Christians around the world?  Is it pride?  Is it a sense of the heresy of "American exceptionalism" applied to our churches?  Probably not.  In fact, its more likely that we don't listen to the global church because we still labor under the delusion that their context doesn't apply in ours.  And this is the case because we continue to believe--in spite of historically unprecedented global migration patterns that affect every continent including ours--that there are two ways of doing church; one way for us, and another way for the rest of the world.  Even phrases like "domestic missions" and "international missions" betray our ignorance.  In a world where my next-door neighbor is as likely to be a Buddhist from India as a Presbyterian from Philadelphia, we need to stop examining the western church through exclusively western eyes.  Pew's observations of the growth in ethnic and cultural diversity in its study is a helpful start, but we must go further.

The reaction by Christians to Pew's research reminds me of the story of the Emmaus-bound disciples.  In the midst of their pain, confusion, and fear after Jesus' crucifixion, their Lord joins them in His resurrected body and walks among them--but they don't see Him!  That's the picture I think of when I think of the western church.  In the midst of massive cultural and worldview shifts on our own continent, we are too fearful to see beyond to the miraculous work God is doing globally--work He is doing among our brothers and sisters in places that are no longer "far away" and from which we can learn much.

But to learn those lessons, we have to lift our eyes beyond old constructs.  We must stop judging ourselves by standards that are more influenced by a dying western church culture than by Scripture, and see Jesus walking among us and beckoning us toward what He is doing globally.  After all, He isn't interested in redeeming one small cultural piece of His body.  He wants the whole world.  And one day, He is going to get it all!

So we can lament what is happening to cultural Christianity, or we can join the global body of Christ as Jesus extends His true Kingdom.  But to do the latter, we have to be cured of our myopia.

Time to get out of the ghetto!

Is "Tribalism" a Threat to Your Church?

Hopefully, it will surprise no one reading these words to discover that I'm a Baptist.  I was brought to a Baptist church for the first time when I was just a few days old.  I heard the message of Jesus, and became one of His followers in a Baptist church.  I was licensed and duly ordained as a Baptist minister, I'm a two-time graduate of a Baptist seminary, and I serve on the leadership team of a Baptist missions entity.  So I'm about as Baptist as they come.

And when I say I'm a Baptist, that's more than merely a statement of how I was raised or who cuts my paycheck.  I am confessionally, convictionally, Baptist.  I love my Presbyterian brothers and sisters, believe we will be in heaven together, and greatly appreciate their focus on the continuity of the Biblical narrative as it is contained in Covenant Theology.  Yet my best understanding of the Scriptures teaches me that infants are not, automatically, children of that covenant and thus, are not candidates for baptism.  So I could never be a Presbyterian.

I also believe that the gifts of the Holy Spirit are still active today--ALL of them, including the ones that make some of my fellow Baptists nervous.  As such, I love and appreciate my Pentecostal brothers and sisters for their focus on the empowering necessity of the Holy Spirit.  At the same time, the Pentecostal understanding of how miraculous phenomenon like speaking in tongues are connected to Holy Spirit baptism are problematic for a guy like me, who believes we are as immersed as we will ever be by the Holy Spirit at the moment of our conversion.  So I wouldn't make a very good, faithful Pentecostal either.

Additionally, I see the book of Acts revealing an early multiplication of very strong, and very free, self-governing churches, which means I'd be inelligible for inclusion in the United Methodist Church also.  Just about any way you cut me, I bleed a brand of Christian faith that can accurately be called "Baptist."

Yet even with the convictions I hold, I've been blessed, encouraged, empowered, informed, challenged, and grown by men and women from across the denominational spectrum of evangelicalism.  In many ways, I would not be the man, husband, father, or pastor I am today without the positive influences of people like Tim Keller, Lawrence White, D. James Kennedy, Jack Hayford, James MacDonald, Chuck Swindoll, Bryan Chapel, Loran Livingston,  Eric Metaxas, John Calvin, Martin Luther, Jonathan Edwards, John Wesley, and a host of others.  And none of the above-named people are Baptist!

In other words, I don't mind belonging to a particular "tribe" of Christianity, so long as it doesn't succumb to tribalism.  Yet some in my denomination would seek to "cleanse" us from anything, or any influence that isn't distinctly Baptist.  Sometimes this is motivated by an apparent fear that our people will join another denomination because of someone who influences them.

And yes, sometimes, a brother or sister may come to different convictions than I do about something that causes them to be true to their integrity, and join a tradition that more accurately alligns with their beliefs. Truly, there are worse things that can happen in our churches than the above display of doctrinal integrity.   But honestly,  if reading a single quote from D. James Kennedy turns one of my parishioners into a Presbyterian, I don't think the problem is D. James Kennedy!

Currently, there is much discussion in our denomination about a number of movements and/or theological persuasions, and whether these pose a threat to our existence as Baptists.  But of all the "isms" I know of that exist within our ranks, none from my vantage point seem to pose as big a threat as does "tribalism."

Tribalism might be a threat to you if:

1. Denominationalism is a substitute for discipleship.  By any measurable standard, the evangelical world as a whole is not "making disciples," as Jesus commanded, at least not those of the Romans 12:1-2 sort.  So, when you discover someone who is actually making disciples--marriages are strong, kids are raised in the fear of God, addictions are overcome, and society is positively changed as a result of the Gospel--is your first reaction to celebrate that fact, or is it to make sure that ministry performs baptisms the same way yours does, or holds to your own doctrinal position on alcohol consumption, Calvinism, or worship style?  If so, you may be a victim of tribalism.

2. Secondary issues are elevated to Gospel issues. A few years ago, one of our mission boards actually stated that baptism by immersion as a sign of conversion wasn't enough to be a "Baptist" missionary.  It had to have taken place in a church that affirms "eternal security."  So, if you were confessionally, convictionally Baptist, but were immersed in a Pentecostal or Nazarene environment, you were put out to pasture, unless you agreed to be "baptized" in an SBC church.  When I asked one trustee about this decision, I was actually told that holiness and Pentecostal churches teach "a works salvation in reverse."  This man demonstrated both a horrible misunderstanding of the historical and theological underpinnings of Arminianism, as well as a grotesquely myopic view of the meaning of baptism.  I'm not sure which of these caused the other in this "chicken-egg" conundrum, but the end result was a claim that because Pentecostals don't believe as we do on an issue not central to saving faith,  they don't proclaim the Gospel at all.  When a command of Jesus is domesticated and perverted to the extent that you believe it identifies you with a denominational tradition more than the King of Kings, you might be a victim of tribalism.

3. Identity turns to Isolation. Occasionally, I run into this in the church planting world when I'm told, in spite of the fact that there may be multiple Gospel-preaching churches in a given area, that we may need to put a church there anyway because "there is no BAPTIST work there."  If you think we don't need other Christian traditions working with us to accomplish the Great Commission--or worse yet, if you think the Great Commission can't be accomplished unless we are driving the work in a given area--you may be a victim of tribalism.

I think our work is important, and I think our identity is important.  As a guy serving a Baptist missions entity, that's why I wouldn't put a Lutheran on the field to plant a church, or encourage one of our established churches to hire a Pentecostal, or consider anyone for missionary service under our banner who would be OK with throwing water on a baby and calling it baptism.  But I don't have to be your twin to be your brother, and the sooner all Southern Baptists realize our dire need for the wider body of Christ to accomplish His mission, the healthier and more effective we will be within our own tribe.  Ironically, that will also be the moment when our identity is more firmly established, because it will be in Jesus.

My friend Bob Roberts says it best.  "Jesus did away with all tribes when He brought the Kingdom."  So let's hold our secondary convictions.  But more importantly, let's lean into the mission--even alongside those who don't share those convictions.

It's Time to Love Baltimore!

Human beings are, at one and the same time, created in God's image and likeness, and separated from God because of their sin.  And the more human beings you have located in the same place, the more obvious those two realities become.

Living within the shadow of Baltimore Maryland for over a decade, I can recall many moments when that great city has reflected the very glory of God.  But this morning, I am heartbroken, because as the rest of the world observes the riots that currently threaten the peace of this wonderful city, they are witnessing how truly depraved we can be

Last night, Baltimore suffered from a significant and self-inflicted wound.  In a scene that defines the perfect storm created by racist history, corruption, lawlessness, distrust, and violence, our city revealed itself as being under demonic influence.

That's what you watched on CNN last night.  But what you didn't see is how God is already at work among the chaos.  What happened on the cross is itself testimony to the fact that God is often most highly glorified in the midst of chaos, confusion, deep depravity, and anger.  And underneath the surface of the coverage national media are giving to this city, He is doing it again!

City pastors praying over blood gang members

-Last night, rival gang members marched together to protect pastors from harm who were seeking to minister in the city.  Later that evening, they were allowed to speak in Baltimore churches, and pastors from all over the city laid hands on them and prayed for them.

-This morning, Pastor Tally Wilgis and the wonderful people of Captivate Church are feeding kids.  In an area of the city where 84% of the children are on a free or reduced lunch program, when school is cancelled, they don't eat.  So the body of Christ is feeding more than 100 of them.

-Pastor Brad O'Brien and the folks at Jesus our Redeemer are currently coordinating help and aid to the hundreds of police officer, firefighters, and National Guard personnel that will be setting our city back in order.

-Pastors Mike Crawford, Joel Kurz, Dan Hyun, and many others opened their church facilities so that God's people could pray, frightened citizens could find refuge, and the church could begin forming a response to serve this city that Jesus died to save.

These are just a few things that took place last night.  God was, and continues to be, at work in mighty ways.  History tells us that moments of spiritual awakening are often preceded by societal chaos.  Our network of churches--many of which are found within Baltimore's city limits--believe with all our hearts that this is God's desire.  And we know this because in the midst of bloodshed, we are reminded through the cross that Jesus Himself was the first to bleed for this city.

So as strife and unrest continue to threaten Baltimore, our churches are running toward that need, and taking with them the greatest story of reconciliation in all of human history!

Want to help us?  Please point everyone in your church here.  Every dollar donated will be channeled directly to Baltimore area churches for the exclusive purpose of helping them serve the city, and bring reconciliation through the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

My friend and colleague Mike Crawford said it best last night.  "Satan wants our city, and he can't have it!"

As other opportunities for service in Baltimore continue to develop, you can contribute right now to help these men and their churches bring true peace.

It is time to love Baltimore!

Again, the link is here.

Knowing Your Community: Who Do You Ask?

Jesus' incarnation is the model He calls His church to follow.  "As the Father has sent me, so also do I send you." (John 20:21).  Our Lord immersed Himself into the lives of others, and calls His people to reach the world in His name in the same manner.

In light of this reality, nothing is quite so ironic as a church that has completely lost touch with its community.

In the last post, I listed some tangible ways churches could measure whether they have lost touch with the people to whom God has called them.  Today, I want to address the issue of how to re-establish connection with your community.  In particular, who are the best people to ask about your community?

1. Ask your neighbors.  Neighbors usually see it as in their best interests to keep abreast of what is happening in the community.  While pastors are often focused exclusively on what is happening at the church, their neighbors are generally aware of new local laws, public hearings about new businesses, and other issues that may affect the community.

Additionally, neighbors are also a diverse bunch. Though they may all live in the same neighborhood, they get into their cars each and every morning and drive off to very different places to work.  Each therefore has a different perspective on the realities surrounding the community, and each of these perspectives are valuable.

2. Ask the local school principals.  Local school administrators keep a close eye on the children enrolled in their institutions, and they can generally connect academic performance to realities in the home.  Those who teach and lead in local schools are also usually aware of "good" and "bad" neighborhoods, as well as needy families.  They are an excellent source of information that can be connected to tangible needs the church can meet.

3. Ask the police.  Police officers see the worst parts of humanity, and most don't have to be convinced that our world is fallen, because they are keenly aware of how depravity has manifested itself in those who presume to break the law.  But police also see most clearly where the greatest needs are in a community or city, and they are anxious for help from anyone who might be able to make their job easier.

I remember telling a police officer; "my prayer is that I can do enough of what I do, and the result is that you won't have to do as much as you do."  Cops understand that, and generally appreciate the church's cooperation and partnership.

4. Ask the sewer department.  Didn't expect to see this one, did you?  But if you want to know where new growth areas are occurring in your city and/or community, this is where you go.  The local chamber of commerce will tell you where they want growth to take place, but no municipality goes through the expense of installing new sewer lines unless growth is actually going to occur there.  Ask the folks who lay sewer pipe and you will get an accurate picture of future growth.

5. Ask the Lord.  God loves your community.  Jesus died for your community.  And He has placed your church there to reach them, and to serve them.  He already knows their needs, and how He wants your church to meet them.  Ask Him for wisdom.  Ask Him to open the eyes of your church to the realities around it.  And ask Him to give you what you need to make Jesus more widely known where He has planted you.

Four Ways to Know if Your Church is Out of Touch

"We want to reach our community!"  In 23 years of ministry, I've never served or consulted with a single congregation that didn't say this.  But for too many churches, they just weren't getting it done.

For many years, church leaders have attended conferences, listened to church growth "experts," and copied strategies that were successful in other contexts in the hope that the result would be people coming to Christ and communities being impacted.  But too often, the most critical piece of the puzzle wasn't even considered.

Too many churches are implementing "strategies" that have little to no connection to their community.  This is because too many churches are completely out of touch with their surrounding community.

How do you know if your church has lost touch?  Over the years, I've observed four primary indicators:

1. The members of the congregation aren't from the community.  Driving through a not-yet-regentrified area of Louisville Kentucky years ago, we saw prostitutes on the corner, witnessed people entering the local crack houses, and sensed the obvious presence of darkness.  But once we turned into the church parking lot, we saw a Lexus, parked next to a Mercedes, which was in turn parked next to a Cadillac.

Those who had been members of this church for decades claimed they wanted to reach this community.  But the community had drastically changed over the years, and the church members no longer lived there!  They understood nothing of the poverty and addiction that surrounded them, and had no personal desire to envelope themselves in the lives of "those people," but they fully expected the community to   come into a facility, structure, and approach to ministry that was totally foreign to them.  If no one from your church lives in the community, it may be time to relocate your church, and give the building back to believers who actually live there.

2. Church meetings don't include substantive discussion of the community.  It was a three hour business meeting that included a lot of very important issues: what should the worship service look like?  How should we structure ourselves?  And of course, "who is going to be in control?"  But for 180 minutes, this dying church said nothing about Jesus, or the community that surrounded them.

If you spend more time analyzing the church than you do serving the community your church was put there to serve, its a sure sign your church is completely out of touch.

3. There is no link between church ministries and the common concerns of your community.  The church was seriously considering spending $3 million on a brand new, state-of-the-art "family life center," complete with a full-sized gymnasium, free weights and nautilus equipment, and aerobics classes.  Problem was, no one had considered that there was already a $15 million facility just across the street that provided all those things already--and did so in a way the church would never be able to compete with.

Too often, churches start food pantries, ministries for single moms, recovery ministries, divorce care, financial counseling, and a thousand other things without so much as asking a single person from the community what the needs are.   A church that truly serves its community listens to its community, connects community needs with its own ministries, and those ministries with the Gospel.

4. Community Transformation isn't part of the vision.  When I teach church planting courses, one of the assignments always includes the students assembling an initial strategy plan for a new church that includes community analysis, vision, mission, and an overview of the first 18 months.  And I warn the students that if the vision stops with a picture of the church, they will have earned a failing grade!

Church is essential to the mission.  In fact, without the church, there is no true mission!  But though the church is necessary, it is not ultimate.  God's Kingdom is ultimate, and the result of any effective church that is aware of its surroundings is a community that reflects more of the Kingdom of God.  How will the community look different 10 years from now if your church is truly obedient to Jesus.  If you haven't answered that question, then whatever you have described isn't vision.  If you've never asked the question in the first place, your church may be completely out of touch.

Sex: The New State Religion

Last October, I wrote the following piece in reaction to several legal developments that threatened religious freedom.  Recent debate over an Indiana law that would have afforded people of faith a day in court--and required the government to demonstrate a compelling public interest before requiring someone to use their creative gifts to endorse something they don't believe to be right--reveals even more clearly that freedom of religion has now taken a back seat to sexual libertarianism.  These developments demonstrate that a new state religion has emerged, empowered by a far-left fundamentalism to silence dissent, shut down debate, and punitively affect people whose conscience runs counter to the sexual revolutionaries of the day.  I'll leave it to the reader to decide whether what I've written below is now more substantiated than it was even 5 months ago.

Religious Freedom in America is dying.  Though this has been stated often, and ignored just as often, rolling one's eyes at the statement doesn't make it less true.

The biggest irony here is that the vehicle being used--possibly in an unintentional way--to kill religious freedom is the very vehicle everyone in the country was assured would not affect it--laws that now codify our current sexual revolution, and are most visible in cases involving abortion and LGBT rights. 

Those who favor these laws have for years assured Christians that these changes in the law would not in any way affect religious freedom, or infringe on the consciences of those who believe these actions to be sinful.  Many of us responded by saying that these moves would in fact affect religious liberty--perhaps in an irreversible way.  Turns out, we were right.

A number of recent examples point clearly to this fact, most recently a California law that now requires churches with group health plans to cover abortion services.  And just last week, there was the debacle surrounding the Mayor's office in Houston, Texas, which in response to statements and petition drives from area churches sought to subpoena sermons and other correspondence.  Though I sometimes find myself in disagreement with Ecclesia Pastor Chris Seay, I found his open letter to Houston's Mayor to be a perfect combination of humility before Caesar, and bold confidence in the God who rules above Caesar.  You should read it here:

Additionally, my friend Tim McKnight, who teaches Missions at Anderson University in my home state, has written a thorough and accurate post on the history of religious liberty, the role of Christians in securing it, and the way it has been turned on its head over the past few decades.  You can read that one here:

In light of so much happening at once on this front, I expect those of no faith to believe and behave as they do.  But I've been particularly disappointed in what seem to be many misinformed Christ-followers who greet these developments with a shrug and a question of "what's the big deal?"

Well, to doctors, insurance administrators, bakers, photographers, coordinators and venue operators who have been sued and threatened with fines and jail time by the government, its a VERY big deal.  Earlier in the year, I wrote on the issue of gay weddings to encourage Christ-followers in those professions to consider serving gay couples as an expression of the love of Christ, but in that same article, I was also clear that such service should not be rendered by orders of the compelling influence of Caesar.

And now, continued threats of fiscal and criminal punishment have been leveled for the first time at ordained ministers who refused to officiate at a gay wedding, merely because they operate a "for profit" wedding chapel.  The message in this one case is clear:  Religious freedom only applies if you are "non-profit."

Yet from the other side, people of faith are told that even as a "non-profit" your free speech is limited.  Rather than deal honestly and straightforwardly with the honest differences we have, the far-left have sought to silence the voice of the church by categorizing certain moral issues as "political," and consequently threatening the church's tax-exempt status for speaking on issues that for centuries have been understood to be the clear domain of faith communities. 

In short, the two-sided approach to killing religious liberty is clear:  Punish "for-profit" entities for living their convictions,  punish "non-profit" ones for speaking publicly about their convictions, and do both from a position of power wherein government presumptuously monopolizes the conversation, and silences dissenters.  This is intellectual and political cowardice at its worst.  And when taken together, recent events reveal three clear trends that, if not stopped, threaten the very existence of religious freedom in America.

Followers of Jesus who don't see these trends want to be compassionate--especially toward our LGBT neighbors, and like them, I want to see the church continue on its present learning curve so that these image-bearers of God are increasingly treated with the dignity and respect they are owed as human beings.  But those who shrug their shoulders at concern over our current sexual revolution in the west and its more recent effects on our legal system are looking past some rather ominous shifts.  In particular, this current revolution has resulted in the following:

1. It turns religious freedom on its head. The First Amendment to our Constitution places no limits on individuals, or even corporations--be they for-profit or non-profit--in regard to religious liberty.  Quite the contrary, the Constitution actually limits Congress. I find it incredible that government at any level presumes the right to instruct people of faith--individually or corporately--as to what they can and cannot say inside their houses of worship, and what they can and cannot do (or refuse to do) outside those houses of worship.  Rather than adhering to what the Founders of this country called our "first freedom," they are by legislation and judicial fiat establishing a state religion, and that religion is sex. But what I find more incredible are those who claim to follow Christ who seem to be OK with government attempts to be Lord of the conscience.

2. It defines marriage as a "right." I have dealt before with the misconception of marriage as a "right" here, yet I must admit the highly effective message discipline practiced in recent years by those who use deceptively beautiful phrases like "marriage equality."  Those who aggressively favor homosexual unions have been largely successful in couching their agenda in the verbiage of "civil rights."  If interracial marriage is permitted, for example, then what is wrong with allowing two men or two women to be wed to each other?  In responding to this question, evangelicals have too often accepted the premise of that question.  Rather than speaking of who does and does not have a "right" to marry, we should continue to point out that no one--not even heterosexual couples--have a "right" to marriage.  Historically, this institution has been viewed as a status of privilege, and this truth is functionally proven by the fact that although a clerk of court may be forced by law to issue a license, no public official--minister, notary public, or judge--is required to perform the ceremony(at least, not until now).  Marriage is not a "right."

Consequently, a marriage license is not a statement of "tolerance," but affirmation.  Through a marriage license, the public via their local government is saying "this is a good thing, not only for this couple, but also for society as a whole, which has always benefited from strong families that have a strong marriage as their anchor."    It's one thing to ask for equality in public accommodations, or housing, or employment.  These are rights that should belong to any human being created in God's image and likeness.  But when the homosexual community asks for the privilege of marriage, they are asking for more than mere "tolerance," and we are seeing proof of this in the civil and criminal cases that are now unfolding before us.

3. It illustrates the results of postmodern thought.  Philosophical postmodernism can only ultimately lead to one place:  nihilism.  And, we are seeing the results of that slide before our very eyes.  The ironic foundation of a radically relativistic epistemology comes full circle when those who find themselves in the majority seek to impose one view of what "tolerance" means to them on everyone else using the power of the state.  This is precisely what we are witnessing in our current environment, which says to people of faith "keep it to yourselves, keep it in your church buildings, synagoges or mosques, and don't dare try to apply it outside those realms," and calls such restriction "religious liberty." 

In the end, this isn't about the homosexual community.  Its not about "tolerance" and its not about protecting a vulnerable class of people.  Its about a guiding philosophy that is currently taking us on a dangerous, agenda-driven trajectory.  The next issue could very well involve your own church, and/or your own pastor.  It might even involve you merely seeking to follow your own convictions as a follower of Jesus, and facing fines or even imprisonment for doing so.  Followers of Jesus asking "what's the big deal?" need to be cured of their ignorance, pull their head out of the sand, and join pastors like Chris Seay in speaking out before its too late.

Church Planting Jugulars: Three Mistakes to Avoid

Over the past 10 years I've had the honor of assessing, training, and speaking into the lives of hundreds of church planters here in the mid-Atlantic, and around the world.  Though my current role doesn't include the oversight of church planting, I still love these God-called men and women who risk much to establish more and more outposts of God's Kingdom.  

There is no mission without the church, and the church moves forward best by multiplication, which means that all who love Jesus should also love church planting.  Some of the most joyous experiences of my  ministry have been watching the birth of new churches.

Conversely, the most painful conversations I've had over the past decade involved conversations with planters who failed.  I"m sometimes asked what I believe are the most common pitfalls of those who don't make it.  My top three are below:

1. They have a vision for the church, but not for the community. In his book Winning, former GE CEO Jack Welch laments the overuse of vision and mission statements in the business world. I share these lamentations because I have seen winsome statements crafted by church planters in their training that have little to nothing to do with the area they are seeking to reach. Simply put, many church planters I talk to know how many they want to show up, they know what kind of building they want, and of course, they know what their salary should be. The problem is that these ideas are seldom expanded to include how the church system they design will impact the community around them.  Rather than start with an understanding of the community, they start with inserting a foreign church system into the community.

Those tempted to define their church's vision in this way should read Bob Lewis' book The Church of Irresistible Influence. To make short a long story that is worth the read, Lewis' Fellowship Bible Church of Little Rock, AR came to the conclusion that although their attendance exceeded 3000 people every Sunday, if their church disappeared the city of Little Rock would not notice, which made their church a failure by default. The subsequent story of their efforts to become a city-impacting church is inspiring, and worthy of emulation.

Any church planting vision that is worth the paper on which its written will have an "end game" that reaches beyond the walls of a building and sees the transformation of an entire community by the Gospel.

2. They depend too much on the denominational system, The truth about denominations--and those of us who work for them--is while we can be a great help to you, we can also handicap you, especially if you depend on us too much.

This is particularly true of the guys who go "full time." The temptation is to act as an employee of the system rather than the church planting missionary God has called you to be. My most frequent recommendation to church planters is that they begin in a bi-vocational role. Intentional outside employment is good and healthy. It gets you into the community, and forces you into relationships with people who don't know Jesus. In addition, it tests your stamina and resilience. While planting a church, I worked two additional jobs while simultaneously finishing a doctorate. Needless to say, I have little tolerance for guys who think they can't do this unless they are doing it full-time.

But regardless of whether you are full-time or part-time, from day one you should refuse to see yourself as a denominational employee. To be sure, if part of a denomination, you are accountable to those who support you. At the same time, God has called you to plant a church, which means that if you are spending more time around the office than you are in the field, you aren't fulfilling your calling.

3. They have unrealistic expectations. My book Planting Churches in the Real World deals directly with this issue.   Too many guys come to the field having read Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, Andy Stanley and others, and they think they will be next in line. Subsequently, when they haven't broken the 50 barrier after their first year in the field, they feel like a failure. In addition, there are a few denominational folk out there who also make them feel like a failure, when the truth is that their plant is simply the "norm."  

A few years ago, Leadership Network found that new churches whose attendance exceeds 100 after four years are a small minority. The problem is that when church planters read the stories of Northpoint and Saddleback, they forget that people love these stories because of how extraordinary they are. If you are a church planter, know that while I pray you are indeed one of those exceptions, more than likely your experience will be quite "ordinary." Just remember that throughout the Scriptures, God used ordinary people, places, and events to accomplish great things, and don't give up!